Go now, a child of God. Choose well the road you take,
And the decisions you make. Keep in mind always that The God you serve continues to call to you, making you more and more every day into the faithful one God wants you to be.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Thirty- six

I did not post yesterday because I had an extra ordinary day.

I got up early, went to the store, vaccumed and washed my car, saw the hubs, went to the Botanical Gardens, went to my husband's house and was going to make him brownies for fixing my car, I got nosey and read his e-mail. I read some things that he hid from me, I drove to his work and confronted him. It was ugly. I had a church picnic to go to, my friend Pat was having her 70th birthday and I had promised I would celebrate it with her at the picnic. Eleven years ago I had given her a bible cover for her birthday and she still carried her bible in it. I bought her another as a gift and I would be a crappy friend to have said I would see her on her birthday and not be there, so I went to the picnic, celebrated with her and visited with friends. My friend Missy had a HS reunion and her date cancelled on her so she invited me last minute. I went and since she was on the planning committee, we stayed and cleaned up and were the last people to leave. It was after midnight when I got home. It was a day full of highs and lows, I was not home but minutes all day, and I didn't get to post. So I missed yesterday, I was still with God and I don't think I could have emotionally handled my day if God was not with me.

Acts 2:23
This was God’s plan which he had made long ago; he knew all this would happen.

No life or death in the bible is more significant than the life and death of Jesus Christ. Today I am thinking of the day when Jesus was in the will of God the Father and on his way to Calvary.

I think of Jesus praying before it all happened, the Lords supper, and that terrible, terrible day of suffering that ended with Jesus being nailed to a cross and placed for dead in a tomb. Jesus had such anguish for his last day. He knew he was dying for all our sins. He knew his fate and nothing would change it.

Jesus was so obedient to the will of God. When the soldiers came for him, he did not resist, when he was beaten, he did not fight back. When he was nailed to the cross, he fought Satan. He died an Earthly death.

As I have shared, I have been praying about God’s will for my marriage. In June I moved into an apartment to give me and my husband some space and we decided to date and try to work on our marriage. It has been emotionally hard for me. I believe in marriage.

I have prayed. I have fought. I have expressed my feelings. I have fallen apart. I have got it together. I have been devastated. I have a broken heart. I have cried every day. I am truly crumbled to pieces. I told my husband there is no more will in me to continue on this way.

If we are going to stay married we should both be committed to it. I knew from the way he put everyone before me, and his action not building up our marriage, but tearing it down, I knew. I knew the reality that I have not been wanting to accept.

Yesterday when we had a confrontation. For both of us it was the last confrontation we wanted to have over our marriage. He said some horrible things and and so did I. Nine years of marriage – twelve total years together – not to be continued. I removed my wedding ring from my finger today. That tiny act hurts.

I have been single before. I know how hard it is going to be. Right now I am not happy about it. I am going to be praying each day for acceptance for what I know is God’s will; for my marriage to be over.

God has a plan. That’s what today’s verse states. God will take all these broken pieces of me and my life and turn them into hope. I may still cry and fight acceptance but that is part of the process.

Some people learn from other people’s mistakes; the rest of us have to be the other people.

If you are in a place, or situation that causes you daily pain and anguish, put it to prayer. God can change your situation.

A change in season, a change in me.

May peace and mercy be with you from God our Father.

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