Go now, a child of God. Choose well the road you take,
And the decisions you make. Keep in mind always that The God you serve continues to call to you, making you more and more every day into the faithful one God wants you to be.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

One hundred seventy-four


What is one thing I have in my life that I can say I have enough for myself and to give others?

That is a tough question to answer, but if I look a little harder, I can easily answer it.

I am spending a lot of time alone and during that time I am self-aware. Last night I stayed home and was looking around for something productive to do. I have boxes of my life sitting around my apartment that need to be sorted through and organized.

We all have these boxes in our own lives, even if it is a sock drawer that has more mismatches than matches; there are cluttered areas of our lives. This task is one that I have put off for awhile, because I didn’t know if I was going to move back in with my husband and continue our marriage, but now I know with the divorce in process, moving back is not happening.

Box after box was filled with junk. It may have not been junk at the time it was collected, but some things were old. Some things were trash. All of it had to be tackled. I didn’t tackle all of it at once. My apartment would look like a tornado had went through it if I tackled it all at once.

I did all I could do. When I stopped I had one full trash bag that was bulging full.

Achievement !

That was one full bag of things I had in my life that I didn’t need anymore.

This past week I had dinner with a friend that has a barren apartment because their roommate suddenly moved and took everything. When the plates for us to eat on were pulled out, they were the last two in the apartment. I felt sad. I wouldn’t allow us to eat on the last two paper plates, although it would have been fine, but I have two sets of dishes in my apartment. So, I walked over and got one set and some silverware and gave it to my friend.

I had something in abundance and I could give it away to someone in need. There was more to it than just giving my stuff away, there was God. I think of God meeting our needs in the same way. God acts as soon as he sees our need, he doesn’t wait for us to ask, he just does.

I want to think of God as being that generous and immediate when we make him aware of our needs. We can include God in our everyday moments and put our lives to prayer. I am known to spontaneously pray when I see a need. I pray when I see an ambulance rushing to or from an emergency. I pray for the victim and their families.

I give thanks in prayer to God for all things great and small. I’m loosing a lot in my life right now- material things, emotional things, and things unseen that God wants me to get rid of that are unhealthy. I had a hard time with it in the beginning, but God is breaking me down. I know that my life is a box that he and I are cleaning out.

I want to be an extraordinary person for God. I’m going through this process. I am in that state of surrender where I ask God each day, if not once, but ten to twenty times, “What now God?” Each time I asked it, it was answered. From that one question I can see God’s presence, and be useful to God. Being useful means being available and submitting to God’s desire for us.

“Spiritual life comes from the spirit.” - John 3:6

This was the thought I woke up with this morning. My first thought this morning was not about what I would wear today, or eat, or do, my first thought was gratitude.

I was grateful to have God in my life and to guide me and walk with me through life as I continue to ask, “What now God?”

How is your spiritual life? Are you seeking God? I don’t just mean by going to church, I mean are you seeking God- are you looking around to see Him? Do you notice God in the the brilliance of the blue sky? Do you notice God in the air you breathe?

Do you internally feel God in your life?

I do. I feel God. I feel God when I sing. I feel God when I read. I feel God when I go about my everyday tasks. I feel God right now as I am writing this. Many times we can hear someone wishing us well by saying, “God be with you.” I internalize that. I want God with me in my soul. I want to be with the Spirit of God.

If you don’t feel the Spirit of God in your life, stop now and pray that you want God in your life and you have to be willing to go through the same process of throwing out things in your life that have kept God from having room to be there.

God is love.

Love is the one thing I have an abundance of and I have enough love to give away to every person I meet.

Loving you through God our Father.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

One hundred Seventy-three

Tonight I held God's hand and He led me where he wanted me to be.

I had a wonderful evening with a new friend named Merrell.

I had a really tough day. The divorce papers are in process. I really needed some affirmation that I am where I am supposed to be.

I try to have a attitude of gratitude to God even when I don't like where I am.

This evening when I got home I didn't feel like eating. I went outside my apartment to throw the ball for my dog. Usually when I go outside I see some of my friends and we socialize. Tonight it seemed like no one was home. When I went in, I looked around my apartment and felt the solitude. I have an ornamental cross in my living room that has the words, "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, Rejoice!"

I admit I was not in a joyful mood. I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I did what all women do when they have something unsettling going on in their lives... I started to clean.

A few weeks ago I sewed to focus my thoughts and actions, and there was still threads laying on the carpet that needed to be vaccumed. I dragged out the vaccum cleaner and as I was vaccuming, I noticed the threads were not coming up. I checked the hose and it was clear, but I noticed that the bag had not been changed. I turned the machine off and took the bag outside to the dumpster.

Why didn't I throw the bag away in my own trash can? It was a small bag, but for some unknown reason the only thought I had of which garbage to throw it into was the dumpster. So outside I went.

Merrell lives in my building and has some patio furniture outside. She was sitting alone and spoke to me as I went by. I stopped and we talked for a few minutes and she invited me to sit with her and have a cool drink. I took her up on the offer because it was plesant outside.
Merrell and I talked for three and a half hours.

Merrell is a sweet woman that lost her husband three years ago and just a month ago her mother died. She was feeling sad and needed someone to talk to. We talked about her husband, and her mother, and her whole family. Merrell had a lot of struggles but had a passion for everyone of her family members. Merrell is 60 yrs. old and praying for a male companion. She misses being married. She admitted she is social, and has even gone on a few lunch dates, but no one has peaked her interest.

I told her that I can completely understand what she is feeling. I loved being married. I loved the routine. I loved sharing a life with someone. We shared our disappointment in how we feel a little displaced.

Merrell told me she was glad I came by, she really needed to talk to someone tonight. I did too.

At the last of our conversation, Merrell asked me if she might be saying the wrong prayer asking for a companion, since God hasn't answered it yet. I told her no, God is sometimes pickier than we would be, and he takes a little more time in the selection process when he is doing the matchmaking. I told her to keep praying that prayer.

She asked me what I needed prayer for, I told her I'm at a place of surrender. I don't know the answer for her, so I admitted I didn't know.
She said, "well then we will just pray that God will meet your needs."

I agreed, I will say the same prayer, "God, I don't know what I need right now. I'm in a transition period of my life. I pray for you to meet my needs whatever they may be. I surrrender."

I had a sense of peace from talking with Merrell. I know it was the hand of God that took me out to the dumpster for me to be the friend that Merrell needed and for both of us to not be sad and alone. I also had a sense of peace that God had me right where He wanted me to be.

"Rejoice in the Lord Always,
again I say rejoice!!"

Philippians 4:4

I hope that you too will know when God takes you by the hand, and will follow his lead, even when it doesn't make any sense.

What God wants for us is 100 + times greater than anything we might choose ourselves. It requires patience, but I have faith that it will be worth the wait.

Praying that you will feel God's presence today in your life and know He is with you always.

Three words I took home with me from Sunday's church service:
Surrender - Letting go and letting God.
Persistance - In prayer. Keep taking your need to God.
Gratitude - In all things. Thank God for all He gives and takes away.

Grace and mercy is abundant from our ever loving God!