Go now, a child of God. Choose well the road you take,
And the decisions you make. Keep in mind always that The God you serve continues to call to you, making you more and more every day into the faithful one God wants you to be.

Friday, October 30, 2009


Hebrews 12:15
"Look after each other so that not one of you will fail to find God's best blessings."

Most of the time when God speaks to me it is when someone, like my pastor or my friends in Christ speak on a topic, I hear what God is saying and the Holy Spirit convicts me of whatever is being spoke of. 

I am thankful for my friends and my pastor who can bring to my attention things that can change me to be what I am supposed to be. 

These are the times I come away from a conversation or a church service and feel blessed. 

God can bless us even in changing our lives and the lives of others.  It is when we do "look after each other"  blessings can come in some of the most unexpected ways.  I always like to have genuine goodwill for every one I come in contact with, and from that, even in difficult situations, we can come away with a blessing. 

Tonight I am going to a Tea Social- yes, a ladies tea.  My blessed friend Carmen is hosting it and with her I get to be with ladies that I don't usually spend time with, homeschooling moms.  When I told people I am going to a Tea, I got a lot of - You????  Yes, me.  Carmen and I have been friends for a long time but we enjoy a lot of laughter when we are together and I like her friends and friendship.

I always like to go to social places I get invited to, even if it may seem like I don't fit in there, but really why wouldn't I? 

I can experience the blessings of God in all things with anyone I meet. 

Step outside of your comfort zone of friendships and you never know if you have the opportunity to be that voice of God that someone else will hear, or if he will have them speak to you. 

Every encounter is an opportunity to experience God.

May you know one blessing today, and truly know without a doubt it is from God our father. 

A change in season and a change in me. 

Grace and mercy from God our father. 

Thursday, October 29, 2009


I had a really busy day.  Baby Girl was inducted into National Honor Society.  I was one proud momma.  I look at her sometimes and I see her strength and determination and I know she is one outstanding individual. 
I love her like no one else. 

this whole month I have been feeling love. 

I John 4:16
" We know the love that God has for us, and we trust in that love."

Give love and you get love. 

Love is sometimes hard.

Love can grow. 

Love can come from unexpected places. 

I hope you can experience love today.  I hope you can experience God's love.

Grace and Peace to God our Father. 


Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I’ve had many sad days. I tried to go back and read my 40 day journal and it hurt so bad. It was opening a wound.
Has that wound healed?
Not if it is spewing blood right now. Putting the pressure on it. Breathing deeply,

Having these words bounce around in my head-“in five years will this matter?” that’s a crappy attitude to have- it is like asking someone with a broken arm if in five years, will it matter? Well yes, your arm won”t ever be the same. You will always be cautious of how you use it, not to break it again, and predict the weather with how much pain you feel with the barometric pressure when the weather changes.

When something breaks it is forever broken. It sucks. My heart is broken. .I’m trying to get over it. Bandages do stop the bleeding but where is the healing? I don’t think I made it to the scar stage where what happened is five years down the road and just a memory. I mean right now I am gushing blood.

Fear that is what I have. Real fear. What if the bleeding doesn’t stop?
What if I never loose this fear?

I’m struggling. I am really struggling. I hate this, I hate that I am looking at my future – my unknown future. I want someone to tell me everything will be okay. I want to look in their eyes and know it is true.

What does God say about it?

Jeremiah 29:11
“I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you.”

Thank you God. |I am holding on to my Faith, my faith in God.
I have these good days and I have days that I am completely uncertain about tomorrow.
God also tells me that the things that happen here on Earth won’t matter when I get to Heaven.

To me that is like saying that problems don’t follow you on vacation-you just go there and leave it all behind.

That makes me smile.
Last night I asked  baby girl if she would like to go to Hawaii on her birthday to learn how to surf and bake in the sun. Some sweet sixteen huh? I’d love to take her surfing on her birthday – Dec. 30th. I wanted her to think of being in a bikini in December.  She couldn't think about that if she gave in to her lust and had life  problems instead  of her biggest decision is picking which bikini to wear for surf lessons. 

 I wasn't getting her hopes up- occasionally we dream dreams and it is fun.  I want her to know we can dream- and one day our dreams will come true.  I believe that,  I believe that when you want something it will come to you, you might have to work hard to get it, but it is not too far from your reach.  Dream the dream, see the goal.  Have that hope. 

A fantasy. But if in 8 weeks I am telling you that I am on a beach in Hawaii drinking a fruity drink and watching my 16 yr old surf – I will be praising God and basking in his presence and his love.

God does want good things for all of us. He is watching over us and I have faith about Him being the one that will make this pain a memory five years from now. Maybe even 8 weeks from now...

Thank you God for this amazing day.

I almost spent the whole evening going over 40 very hard days but after looking at a few days-God simply said, “close that, dont read it. That was yesterday."

Today is today.
Smile. Love. Laugh. Live.

Thank you God for God being good all the time!

A change in season and a change in me.

Grace and Mercy to you from God our Father.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I have admitted that I have been really blessed these past few days. Tonight I went to see a play with my daughter and my husband. It was very nice. We used to go to the theater a. lot when my daughter was younger. She remembers. I’m very glad for the memories we made together and that they did make an impression on her. We really did have some fun.
My heart was very happy today.
Psalm 37:40
“ they trust in him.”
Reading the whole Psalms 37- I read it often and each time it speaks to me.

Two weeks ago me and my daughter had a very trying night. I had to discipline her for her actions. She had made a life changing decision and not only did it affect her it affected all of us that love her. I was angry when she and I talked. I let her know I was angry.

That was two weeks ago. We are in a different place right now. So different than where we were even four weeks ago. I feel the genuine love and affection returning between us.
For me it is a blessing that I am wanting to capture and hold it close everyday. Yes, there will be many more disagreements between us and she will make mistakes, but I will not love her any less. I will feel many more emotions but not loving her will not be one of them.

Godly parents do not stay continually mad with their children, just as the Lord shows us compassion and when we come to him with a need or a problem, God is the giver of peace, strength, and help in the time of trouble.

Trust is a big deal between me and God. Trust is a big deal between me and my daughter.

I read Psalm 37 and I read “trust in him”
Psalm 37: 39-40
“The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them because they take refuge in him.”

Thank you God for your grace and mercy. Thank you God for your love. Thank you for giving me the Bible to read and have hope in all that I read about God’s character.

I will trust in the Lord, my God, my refuge.

A change in season and a change in me.

Peace and Mercy to you from God our father.

Monday, October 26, 2009


I admit these past few years and especially the last 5 months I have cried more tears, than I have in all my life. I wake up crying, I cry through the day and I cry myself to sleep.
I wake up and ice my face and go at it another day. Stupid broken heart!

I am telling you that not only was my heart broken, but my spirit also. I have given so much over to God, I know that he must think every morning-“here we go again” when I lift up my prayers and all my emotions I really have just unloaded it all.
I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful that I have God in my life and that He is God.
Praise God!
He is faithful even when we aren’t. When we lack courage, he doesn’t. When we are weak, he is strong. God has faith even when we no longer feel like we have it.

I still praised God. I still worship Him. I still love him. I give thanks to God.

I know it is God that sustains me. He has a way of using people in spite of themselves. Look at the life of Moses- He went through a lot when he was building the Ark. With God, he endured and completed the task set out for him to accomplish.

What kind of Ark is God asking from you?

I felt God asking me to share my trials on this blog and put forth a lot of prayer. Each day I go through stuff and I try to make sure the focus remains on God. Yes, these incredible things are happening to me, but they are happening to test my faith in God. The focus of my trials is how I allow God to do a work in them. I am not able to deal with a lot of the problems I am going through.

I struggle. I admit I am struggling everyday, I also know I still get to wake up every day and experience another one by the grace of God.

Today I can say I had such a blessed day. My husband and I spent time together this morning and we had a wonderful lunch together. He also made some time to put brakes on my car this afternoon – which I really needed. My daughter and I spent some time together and she shared with me some of the great memories we had when she was younger, like going to plays together. There is a play tomorrow night and she asked me if we could go together. I really don’t have the money to go, but when I shared this with my husband he offered to buy the tickets.

I am crying with joy, as I am writing this because these two people didn’t want to spend time with me a few months ago, now are being open about their feelings and we are truly enjoying each other’s company.

I wrote a few days ago about the Holy Spirit being able to fill someone with love, that had hardened their heart for you, if you will put it to prayer and give it up to God. Especially when that love is as important as love between a child and a parent and the love between spouses.

This separation from the two of them has really made my life turmoil. I questioned was I a good parent? Was I a good wife? Who am I without these two very, very important people that defined me so much? I had a lot of difficult days. I was truly broken.

Letting go and letting God is such a leap of faith. God’s faithfulness has never depended on the faithfulness of his children. Thank goodness. Thank God that his faithfulness is never changing.

God is greater than our weakness. I know that in my weakness I experienced God. I am experiencing God right now. God is good all the time. God is good in the bad times and God is good in the good times.
I am still very much my daughter’s mother, in every way, her living with her dad did not change that.
I am still married and love my husband, moving into an apartment and removing the wedding band from my finger did not change that.

I am still a parent and I am still a spouse. I am still me. I still need God.

Thank God for the blessings of this day. I feel love, have love and know love because God is here with me. Thank God for loving me and I hope today is the first of many that I will continue to see God’s hand on my life and guide me through the rough spots to these wonderful blessed days that erase the pain of days past.

Glory and praise to God!

A change in season, and a change in me.

May you experience the Grace and peace that comes from God our father.


Sunday, October 25, 2009


I have a lot on my mind today. I feel a little greedy today. Greedy about things I want. Things I want to achieve and don’t know how to start. I spent time with my dad this weekend and I see his dreams about our business. I love my dad and I hope that we get to see his dream come true in the near future. When someone has a dream that has lasted all my life, I am full aware of what it will take. I want to be greedy about it. I want to take his ideas and make them come true. I can’t do it on my own. I don’t have the resources. I don’t have the knowledge.
He has been making incredible paper models of our product. He brought me one this weekend. I put it on my kitchen table and I pick it up and examine it every time I pass by. I want to see his creation in metal and glass. During the weekend we talked about him passing down is information to me.
I want that. I want to be able to spend the time with my father to make his dream and his work a reality. I hate that his last project didn’t go as well as we would have thought. I know that my mistake there was my commitment to it.
Years ago we had a thriving fish hatchery. We raised fresh water angel fish and tilapia. I could not tell you the thousands – maybe millions of babies we raised from eggs the fish laid. We could have done more marketing and put ourselves out there a little more and still have a thriving hatchery to meet the demand for the fish hobbyist. I was pregnant at the time and just couldn’t commit to it as I should have, if I could have seen the potential that was there and just let it pass us by.

Now I see my dad as a skilled artist in building unique fish tanks and I want to sell what he creates.
I feel greedy for knowledge to be able to do what we need to do to market and sell his designs. He has so much talent and I maybe bias but he is incredible and I would like for him to be recognized for his talent. This week I am feeling greedy for my father. I would like him to be successful.

I made  Orb Edge the company sponsor for my scarecrow this year. It was a surprise for my dad. He was so proud to see the name of our business on the sign in front of my scarecrow. That pride is a big deal to me.
 wrote an article about my dad and I am hoping that we will get some response from it and be financially able to go into full production in the new year on a mainstream product.
Big dreams. I need big support. I am going to put these dreams to prayer. I need some knowledge of where to begin and where to go each step of the way. Times are tough and asking this of God is a big deal. I am sending out my desire in a faith prayer.

Psalm 37: 23-29
23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

In these verses I have hope that God knows every step ahead of me and he is ordering everything pertaining to my life, my family and my needs, so all I need to do is trust in Him for everything.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Today I am still thinking about my family. I really like it that my dad is still supportive of me now that I am an adult. When he comes to visit, I get that feeling of being a kid and I look up to him like I always have. I was a daddy’s girl. Not in a way that he gave me everything that I wanted but in the way that we were close. My dad has always been the one to talk and I have always been the one to listen.
Things I like about my dad:
1. He’s interesting. We talk about things that I don’t talk about with anyone else- like the universe, the periodic table, geometry, levels of consciousness, and other things that would be odd with someone else.
2. He’s handy. He has tools and knows how to use them.
3. He is upbeat most of the time.
4. He’s full of ideas.
5. We watch the same television shows without knowing until later when we ask if the other saw the show.
6. He accepts me. And likes to spend time with me.
7. He is well liked by his peers and mine.
8. We give and take.
9. He will take time to explain things.
10. He loves me.
I had the opportunity to spend time with my daughter and my dad at the same time and during breakfast we were talking about going treasure hunting- like panning for gold on the west coast, or searching for rare gems that we like to think are just laying around for the taking. Somehow the subject went to how important chemistry is and how chemistry could relate to everything on the breakfast table and learning the periodic table. I always told my daughter that the periodic table was like having a class photo of your friends and the photo never changed but once you knew everyone in the picture’s name and where they were in the photo- you were set. (I know what kind of nerd I am to say that the elements in the periodic table are my friends) But I turned to my daughter and asked her what our favorite element is? I could see her thinking and I blurted it out – Au! It came out sounding like “HEY YOU!” we all started laughing, and I asked her what the element was and she answered, “Gold” I was a proud parent. Corny I know, but the three of us got it without having to explain it. Those are the moments that I cherish.
I really enjoyed having the two of them visit together. They talk to each other and have a bond that is nice to see.

Romans 5:5
“God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love.”

Love endures. Love that comes from the Holy Spirit is a perfect love. I know I can be difficult and I drove my dad crazy growing up and he worried about me a lot, but one thing that never changed was his love for me. I hope I give my daughter the same love.

God is just like that. He nourishes what is right and he gave love first and taught us love.

If you have someone in your life you once loved and now think that you can’t love that person anymore, or they don’t love you anymore, don’t give up on that person, give it to prayer and put your name on every prayer list you can find and ask everyone you know to pray along with you for the Holy Spirit to bring back the love you once knew. God loves with a perfect love even when we do not. Loving someone and having them love you is a gift of the Spirit.

Today I talked with someone that is in love and didn't realize it, someone that is looking for love, and someone who is too in love with someone they should not be with and someone said they didn't love another. 
Love doesn't have to be that complicated, but most of the time it is. 

I'm praying for each of these people and also for my own love life.  I am blessed to know love.

Thank you God for love. Thank you for your love and for teaching us love and for the love that fills us from the Holy Spirit.

A change in season and a change in me.

Friday, October 23, 2009


Today I got to sit down with my dad and go over his side of our family tree.
Thank God for your family.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


James 22:26
"Faith that does nothing is dead."


God will do what is right.

Have faith in that.

Thank you Lord, amen.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Today I feel my to-do list getting longer and longer.
I have this overwhelming feeling that I won’t get it all done.

I wrote yesterday about how I worry. Today I am still being tested.

Psalm 55:22
“Cast your burden upon the LORD, and he will sustain you.”

Many of my burdens are not visual things. They are about the safety and security of my loved ones and friends.Some lost jobs. Some are losing their homes. Some I am just concerned for their actions. Some are in jail. Some are traveling. These are all the types of things I have a burden for. As you can see these are things I have no control over. Some of the people I worry over are on the other side of the U.S. or even the world, I worry about them none the less. How do I hand over these burdens to God?

Someone once said that this is an easy way to give things over to God, if you are a visual type (you have to see things to retain knowledge of them) I am a visual person. I get that from writing everything down. If I see it, I more than likely will remember it. If someone tells me something, I have a hard time retaining it (drats! My short term memory!!!) I do this when things are too overwhelming:

I make some time to spend with God, gather some envelopes and some pieces of paper or note cards and sit alone with God and go over each one in prayer as I write them out, one per note card. As I write them out I detail the burden, my fear my doubts and all my feelings, then I seal each one up in a envelope. I kneel and hold up each one to God and hold it up until the pain in my arms equals the pain in my heart and when I can’t hold that envelope up anymore, I cry out to God, “Lord take it!” Then I drop my arms and write the date and time when I gave the burden to God. I file these envelopes away and step out in faith knowing my burden is in God’s hands and I can have hope about it and not worry anymore about the outcome.

Doing this may seem like it will consume a lot of time, but how much time do we worry with things when we should give them over to God? And you have to consider how important your burden is – do you want God to take it lightly too??

This exercise works because it points us towards God and puts focus on Him and how we worship and trust in Him.

I have some big burdens I am going to hand over to God in this way tonight.

The depth and willingness with which we serve is a direct reflection of our gratitude. Sometimes the only way we can serve another is to pray for that person- Really Pray.

Thank God for your many, many, many, blessings daily. Have a heart of gratitude. 

Thank You God!

A change in season and a change in me.

Grace and Mercy to you from God the father.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


I admit that I am a habitual worrier.
I worry about waking up on time. I worry throughout my day. I worry whenever someone shares with me a tragedy. I worry because I am always late for everything. I worry about things I have do tomorrow. I worry about my kid. I worry about the future. I just worry. I worry so much you’d think that I am truly what my name is- Daily Panic.

Telling me not to worry is futile. Not worrying is something I really need to work on.

Matthew 6:27
“You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it.”

Ok so I will take it moment by moment and know my life will be changed if I worry less.

How does one begin worrying less? I will just put things to prayer and trust in God for the outcome.

A change in season and a change in me.

Thank God for being the all knowing and merciful Lord that he is. May God be glorified in all things that he is doing and all the things that he is a work about that cannot be seen.

Peace and mercy to you from God our father.

Monday, October 19, 2009


Deuteronomy 30:20
“To choose life is to love the Lord your God, obey him and stay close to him.”
When we find ourselves in situations where we don’t know any way out.

Despair can get into our heads and we think the only way to get out would be to choose death.
That should never be the choice for a Christian.

Clinging to God sometimes is the only thing we can do.
Christians choose life.

I am thankful for the love the Lord has for each of us. I am thankful for Jesus Christ and I praise and worship him.

Today I felt loved and I know this love comes from Jesus Christ.
Thank God for the love we can feel when someone wraps their arms around us and gives us comfort and security from the storm in our lives.

Jesus does love me and you.

Peace and Mercy to you from God our Father.


"The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."

Six attitudes that can make a difference in any situation:

1. Equanimity
Let’s stay Calm.

2. Resignation
Let’s accept this setback gracefully.

3. Courage
I can take this and more.

4. Determination
I’ll turn this defeat into victory.

5. Cheerfulness
Bowed but not broken.

6. Pleasantness
Still goodwill toward men.

Psalm 25:6-7
“Overlook my youthful sins, O Lord! Look at me instead through eyes of mercy and forgiveness, through eyes of everlasting love and kindness.”

As a mother I watch my child closely and I can see things about her that she doesn’t need to express in words. Sometimes when she is not talking and I can just observe, that is when she says the most to me.

A mother’s instinct. A father’s instinct. It comes natural for parents and children if they pay attention to each other.

Can our eyes see others the same way?
Can our eyes see when someone is tired or discouraged or sad?
What about if they are in need, or have something on their mind they might need to talk over with a friend? What about seeing the good in someone we really do not like?

Every day I deal with the public. I am the voice they hear on the phone, I am the face they see and how I handle every situation can determine if they will be back. I have truck drivers call me for directions, I have customers call me with needs, I have an opportunity to make an impression with everyone I come in contact with, even those people I really do not like.

The thing I never forget is that every person wants to know they have a friend out there, someone to give them good directions, someone to meet their needs, someone to help them with their problems.
Each day I do what I can and treat each person like they are important.

I know that God is doing the same for each of us. We are important to God. I like to know that God is looking at us with “eyes of mercy and forgiveness , through eyes of everlasting love and kindness.”

May God be with you and your attitude towards others and practice the six attitudes listed above in any situation, the attitude you deal with a situation has the power to change the situation in an extra-ordinary way.

A change in season, a change in me.

Grace and mercy to you from God our father.

Sunday, October 18, 2009


In our days we can get so busy we neglect to spend time with God.
On Sundays it is easy to say , God I spent two hours in discipleship and worship, now you still want me to spend some quiet time with you? This is not the attitude that God wants.
I am guilty of spending a large part of my prayer time telling God my personal struggles and not spending enough time just thanking God and praising Him.

I’ve had a lot of things on my mind today. I’m still struggling with my relationships and this past week I have been trying to hold on to the people in my life. My child is going through some serious growing up and I want to be with her, but it is hard when she doesn’t live with me and her dad and step-mother doesn’t tell me what is going on with her and include me in decisions they make for her. My daughter is growing up. I didn’t expect it to be happening so fast. But it is happening and the worst mistake would be for all of us who care and love her would be ignoring the fact that it is happening and we all have to deal with it. I hope the impression I give my daughter is that I am her mother, not her friend. Its tough right now, but I have to show tough love and say no to a lot of things that if I behaved as her friend and wanted her to like me, I would have been slack in my attitude and decisions and not so tough when she got in trouble. I always question if I am doing the right thing.

Tonight I just wanted to spend some time with God and thank him for being the Father that he is and for the tough love that he had given to Jesus and for the tough love he has for me.

Revelation:5 12-14
“Worthy is the lamb who was slain to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise … To him wo sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praie and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!”

God is worthy of my time and my praise.

A change in season, a change in me.

Friday, October 16, 2009


Mark 10:49
“Cheer up. Get to your feet. Jesus is calling you.”

Sure things can look bleak when looking at the big picture, but look at the small moments and see the joy that is there. This is harder than you can imagine, if you focus on all the negative things.
Dealing with the separation, I miss the everyday things. I miss cooking for someone and having dinner with my husband each night. I really miss home. I don’t really like my apartment.

I miss my family. Things do change and we have to go on with it. I don’t really like it and I don’t prefer it to life before, but this is where I am now.

I am looking to move out of my apartment and making that a priority. Some things will have to happen first. I will have to get out of debt. I will have to find a cheaper place to live to be able to save up for a house. This will mean I will start evaluating my finances so much closer and watching every penny.

I will be looking each day for the joyful moments. Like finding change or money I misplaced. I am going to see how long I can eat all the stuff in my pantry without buying anything fresh except for lettuce and o.j. and those types of things. I am going to include God in this and I know it can be done. It will be tough but it will be a good thing in the end. Easy to do since I am single.

A change in season and a change in me.

Thank you God for the small blessings and all the big ones.
Grace and Peace to you from God our father.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


After the day I had yesterday, I am ready to rejoice!

God is good all the time.

He does not give us more than we can handle and if the situation is something we think we can’t handle- he will see us through it.
When we are Christians, we can have a peace about things that are totally in God’s control.

God is so good.

Psalm 126:2-3
“We are filled with laughter, and we sang happy songs… The Lord has done great things for us and we are very glad.”

God wants us to express joy when we can. Laughter can heal so much. Laughter is so powerful. It can help us relax and unwind. Laughter is good for your health and immune system. Laughter can improve our circulation by increasing our heart rates.

Laughter can heal.

Yesterday I felt so trapped to the unknown. The situation we were dealing with was a tough life changing predicament; we didn’t have a lot of choices. I prayed and gave it over to God and He gave me a peace knowing the outcome was in His hands. I clung to Him and felt His hand on me as I reached out my own. God was with us and this morning, we were calmed and rejoiced.

God is good all the time.

I’m going to have some laughter with my friends tonight and remember how good God is all the time.

Praise God!
God’s love can shine on us and the rainbows that show up in our lives, color our world.

Today I am thankful to God.
I can’t thank Him enough for the blessing of today and our tomorrows.
I am learning to trust the Lord more and more.
I am seeking Him in the good and the bad and I am so thankful for His presence.

A change in season, and a change in me.

Grace and mercy to you from God our father.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Hebrews 4:15
“He was tempted in every way that we are, but He did not sin.”

Temptation is all around us. I am tempted by chocolate. I am tempted by something every day.
What can I say to a child that is tempted by something I, as her parent, know is bad for her? Or what if she is  tempted by things that are out of my control, like her emotions or lust?

As parents we can’t be with our children all the time. We can just do our best to guide them to handle the situations they will be tempted by before they happen.

I love my baby girl. She is special. Every child is special to their parent. We do not want anything bad to happen to our kids. We try to protect them the best we can. I want the best for her and her future.
I know that she can be tempted by things that can affect her and there won’t be a do over when she makes mistakes.

Jesus too was tempted by sin. Lust wooed him, Greed lured him. Power called him. Jesus the human – was tempted. But Jesus – the holy God- did not sin.

One of the hardest things to say when we are tempted is – NO.
Temptations happen to test us, at the times we are tested, and we know it is something that we struggle with, we have to go to God, and ask Him to help us resist the temptation. God doesn’t want us to handle it alone. God will always give us a way out.

He is ever present and knows how to get you through to do the right thing. Doing the right thing sometimes is not easy, due to peer pressure or wanting to impress others, but doing the right thing is always right.

I am thankful that I worship a loving and merciful God that forgives me of my sins. I need to have his help to resist temptations as they come my way. I want to be present  for my child and let her know that resisting temptations that can effect her future is always the right thing to do. I pray that God will send the Holy Spirit into her life and convict her of right and wrong when I am not there to guide her decisions.

I want to pray for parents and children to have a relationship that is first filled with love and care and next filled with guidance and discipline, just like God gives to us as his children. Thank God for the Love He has taught and the love He gives.

Heavenly Father,
you are full of Grace for each of us and abundant with your blessings.

God you are mighty and bigger than all the temptations we face and we have to remember that God can always give us a way out. That is how God protects his flock.

John 10:15 “I lay down my life for my sheep.”

Thank you Jesus Christ for my salvation.


A change in season, a change in me.

LOVE and MERCY from God our Father.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Today I am reflecting on the last few months, and I think of the commitment I made to God and hope that I am helpful in some way.

1 Corinthians 2:7
“The spirit has given each of us a special way of serving others.”

I do worry about the skills I don’t have. I do worry that I might get confused and not make my point clear. I have to think about the skills that God has given me and use them the best of my ability.

It is my prayer today that the Holy Spirit will give me wisdom and guidance each day with the devotions I write. Not of me Lord, but all from you.

A change in season, a change in me.

To God be the glory.

Thank you God for this amazing day.


Monday, October 12, 2009


This week I will be reading the book of Deuteronomy.
It is a book that reminds us of the character of God. We should daily seek God and know him. Struggles in our lives happen, but what makes God incredible is that he is a God that speaks to us. The Bible is the living word of God and we can take out the Bible and read what God said and through those words we can be assured that God is God.

I had an amazing blessing yesterday.

I woke up with my emotions and thought about my day and I was praying for God to be at work in my life and wanted to have really blessed day despite my situation. Like I have shared I have been angry this past week. Anger finds a way to grow and make itself known whenever it sees a chance to. Every little thing, from a word, to a look, or a tone of voice, or even silence can bring out anger and the more you focus on it, it grows; each time you speak of it, it grows; each time you give it time , it happily accepts the invitation and stays as long as you let it. I know a lot of people who like to hold on to anger and let it rule their actions and character.

There are times to be angry, but how you handle that anger will reflect your character. I said last week I was taking my anger to God and just telling him about it. How’d that work out for me? Well, God spoke to me.

Romans 12:14
“Wish good for those who harm you; wish them well and do not curse them.”

This verse broke me and I was in the middle of bawling, feeling broken about how I was supposed to wish good for someone I was so hurt by. I wanted to stay angry.

If you ask for God to be at work in your life, he is going to put you to the test. God tested me almost immediately.

My husband called me while I was not at my best emotionally and the sound of his voice did not make me feel the anger that I had felt over the past week.

He wanted to ask me to lunch after church and asked me to bring the dog over so he could play. Well the dog had been puny the night before and kept me up puking about five times during the night so I was up and down with him all night and I felt bad for him to be caged up, so I asked if I could go ahead and bring the dog before church, that was fine, so I did.

My husband got a huge contract at work and since he owns his business he has had to work 24/7 and this week was just the start of something that will continue until the new year. Usually we help each other when there is a task to be done. We worked together on renovating our house and he was good to help me with my scarecrow for the Botanical Gardens. Now I could have come over and just watched T.V. and claimed I was there just to do my laundry and if anger spoke for me I would have said “I was there, what more did he want?”

I went to church and listened to a sermon from Deuteronomy about God speaking to us, and I knew that He had spoke to me and how I handled the rest of the day was going to be what God wanted not what I wanted. So I surrendered my anger to God and from that my day was blessed.

Anger was not heard or felt. “Wish good for those who harm you…” How simple. I know if I had not asked God to be at work in my life this would have been a struggle for me.

My husband did not ask for me to help him with the things he needed to do, but I put on a t-shirt and helped where I could to help him do what needed to be done. His dad was there to help and the three of us completed all that we could.

It was a good day. God blessed it.

Are there people who have hurt you?
Why would God have you to be a friend to that person and “wish good for those who harm you..”

One word- Mercy.

I am not perfect and I have hurt my share of people. I ask God for mercy.

I know to understand completely what mercy is, I have to know what it is and be able to give it just as I receive it. On day 27 I wrote about the Characteristics of God and how I asked God for his help with these characteristics so that I can become more like the person that God would have me to be.

Finding the good in the bad can remind me that through time in my life I will be able to look back and see that there was in fact Joy – especially in days like yesterday.

Thank You God for your blessing on yesterday.

A change in season and a change in me.


Grace and mercy to you from God our father.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Sometimes I look at my life and see the things that are falling away as I clean up some of the things in my life and throw away what is not needed. We all have to do this from time to time.
Other times the things that leave our life are not our choice, a loss of someone dear to us from death, or a friend moves away, or a job loss, or a car that we loved no longer works. In our lives, loss is a part of life.

I struggle with being angry about my losses.I am careful to express this anger with God instead of the person that I am angry with. I found when I expressed the anger I felt, I said things that I could not take back or the other person turned their back to me and didn't even want the confrontation.  I have to give this anger over to God and allow him to be the one to let that person know that they have their own things to deal with  as God will reveal them.
 I didn’t ask for everything to fall away. I had a lot of dreams end, and I struggle with putting my faith in God for my future. I am broken and its hard for me to dream any dream right now. I have this overwhelming feeling of fallow. This emptiness is unsettling,
I know I have to give this feeling over to God and allow him to use it and see this emptiness and fill it with what he wants.

I am doing my daily devotionals to pause and consider what God wants for me. He will reveal it in his perfect time. God hears my prayers, I know that he loves me, I will have the Holy Spirit in me to guide me and a promise of heaven in my future.

I know that God can guide my life and give me grace for my sins and light the darkness that I am in, and put me firmly where he wants me to be during this stormy time of my life. I ache for God each day. It is a longing for him to be with me. I am seeking God for what I need.

Philippians 4:19
“My God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need.”

I come today to give you thanks for the blessings of friends and people who truly love me. I thank you for your love for me. I thank you for your abundance and meeting all my needs. Thank you for the time and patience you have for me. Thank you for my health. Thank you for Jesus Christ dying for my sins. Thank you for the beautiful day you have given me to breathe fresh air, and to feel the warmth of the sun. Lord I know these small things are all big things that you created. Every thing is from God. To God be the glory for moments of peace and prayer and comfort. I am thankful to you God for all the small things and the peace in knowing you can handle the big things. Thank you God for everything I need. Know that I am grateful for even the smallest things you give to the large things that make each day extra-ordinary.
God I want to give you thanks in advance for healing this broken emptiness that I have and I pray that one day I can dream another dream. I want to live each day thanking you for providing all that I need. Thank You God.



Galatians 6:16
“As many walk according to this rule, peace and mercy be upon them.”

I put this as my signature in my phone for my text messages. I like sending peace and mercy from God each time I send a text.

Texters have a sense of urgency to reply to a message immediately. Do we have the same urgency when God sends us a message? I would hope we do. God ask things of us and I do think that they have a sense of urgency. To me time is going by so fast, and before we get to heaven I do think there is a lot of work that God would have us do.

Sometimes I think that I missed something that God wanted of me and that moment slipped. Maybe he wanted me to speak to someone and I avoided that person, or I avoided a subject that I should have talked about. I know that God is working with me on hearing what he wants of me and doing it with a sense of urgency.

Lord, I pray that I can feel your presence daily and hear when you speak to me.
God you are God above all and I am humble to do the mighty work that you need done in your name for your glory.

A change in season, a change in me.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Forty- one

God, find in me a perfect heart.

A perfect heart seeks to be in God's presence always to dwell in communion.  Communtion meants talking with the Lord, sharing fellowship with him, seeking his face and knowing his presence. 

Jeremiah 17:10
"I the Lord search the heart."

There is not a time that God is not looking into our hearts to see if we are preparing for his kingdom. He searches us to remove the things not pleasing to him and speaks to us about it so it may be changed. 

I want to have a heart that is pleasing and perfect in God's eyes.  The love I feel for God is enough for me to want to change the things he does not find pleasing- like holding a grudge or hatred.  I want to respond to what God is saying to me about what he finds. 
God is searching my heart to find out what I devote my time, money and energy towards.  Is there something in my life that I put before the time or love I feel for God?  Loving God is so much more than just saying you love God, it is acting on it.  Loving God produces loving actions. 

Today God asked me to show love to someone that did not deserve it.  I got hostility, but I still spoke in a loving way and told that person that I love them.  I didn't feel like they cared for it very much, but God didn't ask me to do it to get something back, he just asked me to do it.  It is a big thing to love someone that doesn't love you back.  It hurts.

Think of how God feels when he loves us and we don't love God back, or only say the words but do not have the actions to show it. 

Allow God to search your heart and pray that prayer, "God, find in me a perfect heart."

 I want to go into heaven with a perfect heart and I am thankful that God can help me with it before I get there, so he will find in me a perfect heart.

May God see the same perfect heart in you on that day of judgement. 


A change in season, a change in me. 

Grace and Peace to you from God our father.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


1 Peter 5:7
“Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you.”

“Give all your worries to him…” Easier said than done. I admit I get in God’s way a lot.
Letting go and letting God is something I struggle with.
Surrender is very hard. I have to be able to put it into practice.

What happens when you give it all over to God?

There are five steps in the surrender process.
This is when life throws you a heavy blow- maybe you had a loved one pass a way, or in my case the end of a marriage, or finding out you have an incurable disease, or lost your job, or have a sin you are trying to escape. The churning process is the feeling you get inside that feels like an incredible pain of knives or being in a blender and all you feel is anguish.
This is the anger. You want to cause harm to whomever did this to you or whatever caused this, you may even want to harm yourself- this is where the burning of your emotions come and you fuel the anger and it is like a fire that can spread.
This is regret. You yearn for things to be different, you wish to resolve things and have a different outcome or look to the past and with things were like they used to be. This can last a very long time.
This is a growth period where you have people enter your life that can help you through this situation, maybe a support group, counselor or a good friend to talk through the pain and stop the hurting.
This is the final step when you completely turn your problem or situation over to God and say “whatever Lord! Whatever you bring into my life, You are strong enough to get me through it.”

I flounder between two and three.
I am angry.
I want to fight.
I want to hate.
I want to cause pain like what I am feeling.
I want to say the most horrible thing and do the most horrible things.

This is human sinful nature. I don’t do these things because I fear the consequences. I know the difference between right and wrong and I know restraint. I pray about these feeling instead of acting on them.

Then I feel the regret. I regret my daughter lives with her dad and I cannot provide for her, I want my husband to love me enough for our marriage to work, I want the life we should have had as a family, if we both had not quit. Regret is a haunting nightmare. 

My daughter has been with her dad for three years now and she is very content.  My husband wants other things more than our marriage and the life we should have had doesn't have a chance because of the destruction that has happened between us- actions in the past cannot be changed. 

I have to get through this and I am not doing well right now, I admit I am struggling. 

I have to seek God and want what he wants for me, I know God has a plan for my single life and I will have to, let go and let God.

That sounds like a country song.

Now I just have to learn, and turn. Accept the things I cannot change.

Praise God !

To God be the Glory for the things he has done and the things he will do.
Lord I give you thanks and praise in advance for what will come and
teach me, O Lord to count all of this, as Joy.

Grace and Peace to you from God our Father.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Today I’m just not feeling “It”
What is “it”?
Where does “it” come from?
How do I get “It”?

If the “it” was anger, the anger would be from knowing the one thing I tried to stop from happening, is happening and there is nothing that will put things back to where they were. I feel like there was this terrible earthquake and all that was left behind was ruin and memories of how things used to be. I am angry that this happened and my marriage is over.

If the “it” was happiness, the happiness would be from something good happening in my life. Some good things that I need to happen – some financial relief – a new place to live- a miracle for me to get out of my lease-my writing to be substantial for me to win a contest or two, something to consume all my time and the ability to concentrate on it.

If the “It” was contentment, the contentment would be from knowing everything is going to be alright. No one ever knows this but it is something we all hope for.

If the “it” was love, the love would be from loving me, loving others, and loving God. If you know love you always want to have it. You want to capture it and never let it go.

What is “it” that you need?

Matthew 25: 35-36
“For I was hungry and you fed me… naked and you clothed me.”

God will not always give us what we want, but he will give us what we need.

May grace and peace be with you from God our Father.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Song of Solomon 8:6
“Love is as strong as death…Love bursts into flames and burns like a hot fire.”

I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness today. I don’t believe that love is easy to let go of regardless of the circumstances.

I started this month praying for some Joy. Ok it’s only been six days so I’m being impatient.

Lost love is like a death. I am grieving.

I’m grumbling more than I am glowing. The lesson I am supposed to learn from this is that even these difficult days, I am supposed to count them all as Joy.
Easier said than done.
When I learn to accept that I am going to be single, the blessings are going to outnumber the bruises.

A change in season, a change in me.

I love you even if you are reading this and I don’t know you , and if I do know you, you know without a doubt that I love you.
I love you because of the love I know from God and Jesus Christ.

Grace and peace to you from God our Father.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Thirty- seven

Eph. 2: 8-9
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Faith in God.

God is here for us in our time of need. God is always on time.

I am going to God for my needs.

A change in season, a change in me.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Thirty- six

I did not post yesterday because I had an extra ordinary day.

I got up early, went to the store, vaccumed and washed my car, saw the hubs, went to the Botanical Gardens, went to my husband's house and was going to make him brownies for fixing my car, I got nosey and read his e-mail. I read some things that he hid from me, I drove to his work and confronted him. It was ugly. I had a church picnic to go to, my friend Pat was having her 70th birthday and I had promised I would celebrate it with her at the picnic. Eleven years ago I had given her a bible cover for her birthday and she still carried her bible in it. I bought her another as a gift and I would be a crappy friend to have said I would see her on her birthday and not be there, so I went to the picnic, celebrated with her and visited with friends. My friend Missy had a HS reunion and her date cancelled on her so she invited me last minute. I went and since she was on the planning committee, we stayed and cleaned up and were the last people to leave. It was after midnight when I got home. It was a day full of highs and lows, I was not home but minutes all day, and I didn't get to post. So I missed yesterday, I was still with God and I don't think I could have emotionally handled my day if God was not with me.

Acts 2:23
This was God’s plan which he had made long ago; he knew all this would happen.

No life or death in the bible is more significant than the life and death of Jesus Christ. Today I am thinking of the day when Jesus was in the will of God the Father and on his way to Calvary.

I think of Jesus praying before it all happened, the Lords supper, and that terrible, terrible day of suffering that ended with Jesus being nailed to a cross and placed for dead in a tomb. Jesus had such anguish for his last day. He knew he was dying for all our sins. He knew his fate and nothing would change it.

Jesus was so obedient to the will of God. When the soldiers came for him, he did not resist, when he was beaten, he did not fight back. When he was nailed to the cross, he fought Satan. He died an Earthly death.

As I have shared, I have been praying about God’s will for my marriage. In June I moved into an apartment to give me and my husband some space and we decided to date and try to work on our marriage. It has been emotionally hard for me. I believe in marriage.

I have prayed. I have fought. I have expressed my feelings. I have fallen apart. I have got it together. I have been devastated. I have a broken heart. I have cried every day. I am truly crumbled to pieces. I told my husband there is no more will in me to continue on this way.

If we are going to stay married we should both be committed to it. I knew from the way he put everyone before me, and his action not building up our marriage, but tearing it down, I knew. I knew the reality that I have not been wanting to accept.

Yesterday when we had a confrontation. For both of us it was the last confrontation we wanted to have over our marriage. He said some horrible things and and so did I. Nine years of marriage – twelve total years together – not to be continued. I removed my wedding ring from my finger today. That tiny act hurts.

I have been single before. I know how hard it is going to be. Right now I am not happy about it. I am going to be praying each day for acceptance for what I know is God’s will; for my marriage to be over.

God has a plan. That’s what today’s verse states. God will take all these broken pieces of me and my life and turn them into hope. I may still cry and fight acceptance but that is part of the process.

Some people learn from other people’s mistakes; the rest of us have to be the other people.

If you are in a place, or situation that causes you daily pain and anguish, put it to prayer. God can change your situation.

A change in season, a change in me.

May peace and mercy be with you from God our Father.

Friday, October 2, 2009


Philippians 3:13-14
But one thing I do: forget what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal.

A change in season, a change in me, this will be the theme for the month.

I’m going to put to prayer asking what God would have me to work on – my attitude- my tongue- my actions- whatever… and see where it goes this month.

I’m expecting some JOY this month. Joy comes into our lives when we have something to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Something to do: write
Something to love: God, Baby girl, the hubs, the Beast (the dog), my family and my friends.
Something to hope for: tomorrow being an extraordinary day. I don’t have anything specific now, but I do hope for a part time job.

I’m going to pause each morning and seek God’s guidance. I want to feel His presence and allow Him to work within me.

Some Joy in my day – Not a single problem at work happened. That was great for a Friday. And I am thankful for my job.

It was extra- ordinary.

My you have peace and mercy from God our father.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Thirty -four

Ephesians 3:16
I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit.

I am going through some tough days. Why am I struggling? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I get my emotions under control? How easily it is to fall into that “woe is me” mode. I know that attitude changes everything. But what can I do if I just don’t have it in me? Or my attitude is really angry? What then?

Normally we unload on the person closest to us. That can have terrible consequences. I am learning that if all the words that come out of my mouth are negative, then of course all I’m going to get back is negative. My struggle is the unloading part. I unload when I should keep things to myself. I need God to help me control my tongue.

Today’ verse speaks about how the Holy Spirit can come into a life and bring you strength. Strength to get through these tough times.

In the book 31 days of Blessings there is a story about how Brazilian children go to their father each morning and look into their father's face and ask, “blessings, father?” And the father will raise his hand and assuringly will say, “God bless you, my child.”

Do we get so wrapped up in the “woe is me” that we forget to go to the Father and seek his blessings and his favor? I can only imagine what it would be like to search the face of Jesus and ask him for a blessing. I would close my eyes and wait for his assurance, and to hear his voice say, “God bless you.” Oh, how that would help me get through my day with that loving assurance that God will bless me.

Some of the ways God has blessed me personally:
Financially for me to have my apartment
My dog that is forever restless
My friends and my family.

Today God blessed me by telling me that a change in season will bring a change in me.

I want to praise God for his goodness. God makes so many things good for me each day, sometimes it is the little things, like fresh water, or food to eat , or a roof over my head, glad I was born in America.
I have so many things that I can thank God for. Eyes to see, a heart to feel, love to give, and the experience of the day that God made for me to live.

Praise God.

May the Holy Spirit come into your life if you are reading this and convict you of something you need to bring to God or thank Him for something he has done in your life.

May the change in season also bring a change in you too.

Peace and Mercy to you from God our Father.