Seventy-two

Philippians 3:12-14
“12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Today I had an emotional day. I’ve been in a lot of conflict about living in my apartment separate from my husband. We had lunch together and talked.
I told him I hated my apartment, but I didn’t think I would be moving back in with him. I have become very insecure, very suspicious, very jealous, and very possessive. I was never this person before. I don’t like being that person.

I’m really sad. This was not an easy thing to admit. I didn’t want to admit that my life may move on without him. I love him. Some things just end. Some hearts just break. Some things can’t be undone. I will have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life, and not consider him or anyone else for a while. I will get to be completely selfish and not hold on to the past. He can have the freedom he wanted and keep our memories.I have to let go, forget, forgive and move on.

Dear God, this is really hard. I am stepping out on faith, because I have prayed and prayed about this for a long time. Please give me a peace about it and guidance about where I am going to live.

May God give us all thankful hearts.