One hundred thirteen

I know I missed a few days, but I am still with God.

Today as I started my day one word I heard over and over again as I watched Christian T.V. shows this morning and as I listened to Christian radio today and that one word was “Joy.” It was said that we cannot seek Joy. Joy comes from God; from knowing God. Joy comes from inside. I admit I have struggled with Joy this past year and the last six months of my life have had such an impact (with my marriage being so confusing) I prayed for more Joy. I have admitted to not having much joy and tried my best to find the tiny everyday joys that are blessings that we all take for granted for time to time- like seeing the sunshine, or freedom to go where we want to go, or breathing and good health. All those things are joy and are blessings from God. God is still on the throne. He is still giving out blessings.

I think Joy and Faith are the ying and yang of a relationship with God.  For every little bit of joy, you have to have a whole lot of faith, and for a little bit of faith, you can have a whole lot of joy. Thank God!  Thank God for faith and joy! God is the giver of all things seen and unseen.  Glory to God! How blessed we are when God is Lord of our lives. 

I have been in my bible seeking God for direction in my life and that is where I need to look for answers to my questions. On this EVE of the new year my thoughts are of Adam and Eve. God made the first couple of one flesh. He made Eve from the rib of Adam and they were forever joined. Adam and Eve both had their own roles and they were one flesh. When Eve sinned, she got Adam involved and when they were banished from Eden, it was not just Eve that got banished, they both got banished and both had to suffer the wrath of God. For the first man and wife there were no other choices for any other partner. Adam couldn’t say to Eve, you did this terrible thing and I am divorcing you. He ate of the fruit also. They were bound to endure each other’s burdens. Nothing was easy ever again for them. Adam lived for 930 years. I did not read an account of Eve’s years on Earth but the bible did say that during Adam’s life he had many more sons and daughters. I could get dizzy reading Genesis 1-7; creation and man on Earth and populating the earth, and direct communication with God. What a time to be on the Earth!

I wasn’t blessed to live during that time, I am here now, during this time, in the final hours of 2009 looking back and not wanting to linger there.
I want to seize some joy.
I want to live present in the moment.
I want to take the time it takes to listen to a friend.
I want to take the time to say a prayer- immediately.
Spontaneous prayer. It is through Jesus Christ that I am allowed to talk directly to God once again.
I want to give love even when it is not given back.
I want to act instead of react.

O.K. I know I am getting off the subject- back on track – about marriage, I know that God will bless my marriage if we stay committed to it. I am still seeking God’s direction. Divorce is final. God is at work in my marriage- even more so God is at work in me.

Yesterday my daughter had her 16th birthday. In my joy I thought back to sixteen years ago when I was in labor, I was sooo ready for her to be born I was only in labor for five and a half hours. I didn’t sleep a wink even after labor because I was so excited to have her where I could see her, and hold her.

I spoke to her on the phone on the eve of her 16ht birthday about how I spent the day she came into the world and how beautiful she was when she was born. I loved her from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I even knew when she was in the womb, without being told, that she was a girl. I know that beginnings are important – beginnings remind us of the wonder in new things and what transforms from beginnings to now.

Sixteen is a milestone for kids and usually it means a drivers license and a car and new independence. My daughter will be getting those things from her father and it is a blessing that he will be able to provide those things to progress her into this next stage of her life. I wanted to give her something to mark this birthday special, and I took her to buy a ring. She picked out an age appropriate heart shaped gold ring with three diamonds across the middle of the heart. I tell her all the time she is my heart. I had a very full day of joy that continued on into today.

Remembering the beginning and that overwhelming joy makes the tough times hard to remember.  Love endures. 

I am thinking of the beginning of 2010 and I have a feeling that it will be significant to remember the beginning and this time next year I will say without a doubt 2010 is one extraordinary year full of God’s blessings and miracles.

Philippians 3: 13-14
“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal.”


God bless you and your family in the coming year. I have so much hope for God’s grace and blessings in this new year.

May God give us all joy in 2010.