I took four days off of blogging for a vacation. I spent a few days with my husband. We went to Nashville, TN. The lights were nice and we saw the Rockettes at the Grand Old Opry. We also saw carved ice sculptures of Charlie Brown characters. The trip as a whole was good.
My marriage is still a very emotional area of my life. I have a lot to gain if we reconcile. I can regain all the security and stability of having a partner to share in all the events of our life. I will have my best friend back. I will have someone that will be affectionate, respectful , share laughter, share trials and the ever present comfort of love. I will also live in our home that we remodeled together. My dog will be less stressed. I will be able to calm down emotionally and not cry everyday feeling the weight of what I am loosing if we don’t reconcile. My marriage is still very much in crisis.
I have been in mourning the whole time I have been out of the house. I am ready to stop mourning. I am going through some very personal and emotional things. I pray and seek God’s will, I am trying to be patient. I want peace. Divorce is such a final thing with me. It will be the end of my relationship with my husband. We have remained close and not dated anyone else during our separation, so in that aspect I have retained hope that we could reconcile. He is not in any rush to reconcile or divorce.
I am emotionally torn.
David felt the same way I feel in Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
I surrender to God’s will. My efforts have been useless. I have to be patient. I know that God loves me. I have prayed about my marriage every day.
I took a few days off from blogging and broke my promise of blogging every day. I prayed every day and I am needing Him more. It is still a couple of days before Christmas and my focus can turn once again to the season and songs that celebrate Christmas.
Let go and let God handle my situation and if a reconcile in my marriage doesn’t happen, I pray that I have a peace about it and thankful for the mercy God gives.
"Away in a Manger" is the song I am singing.