Tonight I held God's hand and He led me where he wanted me to be.
I had a wonderful evening with a new friend named Merrell.
I had a really tough day. The divorce papers are in process. I really needed some affirmation that I am where I am supposed to be.
I try to have a attitude of gratitude to God even when I don't like where I am.
This evening when I got home I didn't feel like eating. I went outside my apartment to throw the ball for my dog. Usually when I go outside I see some of my friends and we socialize. Tonight it seemed like no one was home. When I went in, I looked around my apartment and felt the solitude. I have an ornamental cross in my living room that has the words, "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, Rejoice!"
I admit I was not in a joyful mood. I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I did what all women do when they have something unsettling going on in their lives... I started to clean.
A few weeks ago I sewed to focus my thoughts and actions, and there was still threads laying on the carpet that needed to be vaccumed. I dragged out the vaccum cleaner and as I was vaccuming, I noticed the threads were not coming up. I checked the hose and it was clear, but I noticed that the bag had not been changed. I turned the machine off and took the bag outside to the dumpster.
Why didn't I throw the bag away in my own trash can? It was a small bag, but for some unknown reason the only thought I had of which garbage to throw it into was the dumpster. So outside I went.
Merrell lives in my building and has some patio furniture outside. She was sitting alone and spoke to me as I went by. I stopped and we talked for a few minutes and she invited me to sit with her and have a cool drink. I took her up on the offer because it was plesant outside.
Merrell and I talked for three and a half hours.
Merrell is a sweet woman that lost her husband three years ago and just a month ago her mother died. She was feeling sad and needed someone to talk to. We talked about her husband, and her mother, and her whole family. Merrell had a lot of struggles but had a passion for everyone of her family members. Merrell is 60 yrs. old and praying for a male companion. She misses being married. She admitted she is social, and has even gone on a few lunch dates, but no one has peaked her interest.
I told her that I can completely understand what she is feeling. I loved being married. I loved the routine. I loved sharing a life with someone. We shared our disappointment in how we feel a little displaced.
Merrell told me she was glad I came by, she really needed to talk to someone tonight. I did too.
At the last of our conversation, Merrell asked me if she might be saying the wrong prayer asking for a companion, since God hasn't answered it yet. I told her no, God is sometimes pickier than we would be, and he takes a little more time in the selection process when he is doing the matchmaking. I told her to keep praying that prayer.
She asked me what I needed prayer for, I told her I'm at a place of surrender. I don't know the answer for her, so I admitted I didn't know.
She said, "well then we will just pray that God will meet your needs."
I agreed, I will say the same prayer, "God, I don't know what I need right now. I'm in a transition period of my life. I pray for you to meet my needs whatever they may be. I surrrender."
I had a sense of peace from talking with Merrell. I know it was the hand of God that took me out to the dumpster for me to be the friend that Merrell needed and for both of us to not be sad and alone. I also had a sense of peace that God had me right where He wanted me to be.
"Rejoice in the Lord Always,
again I say rejoice!!"
I hope that you too will know when God takes you by the hand, and will follow his lead, even when it doesn't make any sense.
What God wants for us is 100 + times greater than anything we might choose ourselves. It requires patience, but I have faith that it will be worth the wait.
Praying that you will feel God's presence today in your life and know He is with you always.
Three words I took home with me from Sunday's church service:
Surrender - Letting go and letting God.
Persistance - In prayer. Keep taking your need to God.
Gratitude - In all things. Thank God for all He gives and takes away.
Grace and mercy is abundant from our ever loving God!