“From the ends of the Earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” – Psalm 61:2
This Psalm was written by David when he was forced to escape during the days of Absalom’s rebellion or after he had narrowly escaped one of Saul’s efforts to kill him while hiding in the desert.
David had to be very lonely and scared when he wrote this. He was crying out to God to deliver him from his circumstance.
I am here trying to figure out what went wrong in my own life. I am struggling with a lot of heartbreak. During my time of depression I felt like I’d never be okay again. I felt like I really blew it, like what was done could not be fixed.
I am going to be really honest with my feelings and tell you what I am going through and if I can help someone going through the same thing then blessings can flow from what happened to me.
Almost three years ago my daughter went to live with her dad. Things were not so great between us at that time. I told her since she was living with her father, she would have to change schools, he lived in a different school district. Out of anger I said she could no longer use my address to remain in the school she was in. I reported it to the school and she was not allowed to stay enrolled. To make a long story short, she cried three weeks straight, and her dad had to move mountains to get her back into the school. Needless to say this was very damaging to her and my relationship. She decided that I was not someone she could count on. Truly our bond was broken.
I really didn’t mind her living with her father, sure it hurt, but he is her father. If there was any place she chose to live, I am grateful, thankful and blessed that it was her father’s house. When a child lives apart from a parent, something dies within that person especially if the parting was under difficult circumstances. The anger she had for me, made her not trust me. She wouldn’t invite me to anything that happened with her and school. That meant no football games, no award ceremonies, no meetings with her teacher, no taking her to school, no spending time with her on holidays, no picking her up if she was sick. She feared I would do the same thing and screw it all up again. I was not allowed to be a part of those things. If I came around she would ignore me and the time we did spend together, she made sure that we were never alone. If she came for the weekend, she would have a friend come with her, there was not a time she and I were alone, just the two of us for a long time. I had to respect that she was angry at me, and just be there if she needed me.
I was in a deep pit of depression because of losing her. The time we spend together is limited. She has a social life and is busy. So I count my blessings that she always answers the phone when I call and lets me be mom more and more. We are rebuilding our relationship.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.”
I plan to make this year my best year!
First three questions:
What is my question for God this year?
What is His question for me?
Who will answer first?
Acknowledge God and He will direct your path.
“For this is what the Lord says-
he who created the heavens,
he is God; he who fashioned and made the earth, he founded it, he did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited- he says: “I am the Lord, and there is no other…”
What is my question for God this year? I think I already asked God what my purpose is and he answered Ministry and Mission.
What is His question for me? Will I have faith? WOW.
Next consider the weight of what God is asking, he is asking for a commitment, this is serious. If I consent to “let go and let God” the process will begin and I will see things shift, shove, and rearrange to guide my path for what he has planned. He is not asking me for some weak faith, He is asking me for something larger- God is asking me for an ENDURING faith, a faith that will be here daily- for the next 365 days, and the next, and the next- until my mission and my ministry is done. WOW
How does one get this faith? “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.” – Romans 10:17
Get in church and hear the word of God, spend time in the word, read your bible.
He is asking me to be fully devoted to God. God wants me to become someone who says YES to follow His will. It requires surrender. Life can be different.
There are three requirements:
1. Devotion – this is where the YES comes in. God is asking me to go public. He is asking me to reflect some gratitude for this extraordinary life he has given me. He is just asking me to give him some worship, commit to his work and reflect the wealth that comes from being a part of the kingdom of God.
2. Dependent –The things in my life would not be what they are without his influence. I serve a mighty God. He is in control. I feel I am not talented enough to do any of this, but God enables me. My responsibility is to do what I can. God is everywhere. Where ever he leads me, I will not be alone.
3. Direction- This is not something that God wants me to say "Whoa" to – instead he uses some other words that start with W- Word, witness, wisdom, and work.
He’s giving me direction, He has given me a living word – the bible, He has given me an extraordinary life to be a witness, He will give me wisdom, and everything will work according to His plan. God can open doors no one else can shut, and he will shut doors no one else can open.
This evening for my birthday, I invited my daughter out to dinner with me. She did not hesitate. Having her with me was the best gift I could have asked for. I know that all our pain has not passed, and between us there is still love.
That love comes from grace. “Grace is the action of God bringing to pass in our lives good things which we neither deserve nor can accomplish on our own.”- Dallas Willard.
This is day one of my extraordinary year!
Grace and peace be with you from God our Father.