God's Will week Four

I got to spend a whirl-wind week with my dad recently. We were busy everyday and the week flew by. Dads are great when they come over because since I am single, my dad is the guy who fixes things when he is visiting. Before he came up from Florida, he had made his own list of things to do and made sure he accomplished them before he left. My father is great to make sure that my home is secure and my handyman needs are taken care of.

I am very fortunate to be close to my father, we have a very loving and sharing kind of relationship. We talk on the phone at least once a week and there isn’t much that he can’t know about my life. Since Father’s Day is this weekend, I have my dad on my mind a lot more than usual.

I prepared him a snack box for father’s day and he is the kind of guy that is easy to shop for because he loves anything. This year I gave my gift to him some thought. He is always so busy thinking of what he can do for other’s he forgets to do for himself sometimes. He likes to make out like he enjoys all the chores he does, like yard work, or taking care of the house and the cars along with his full time daily job. I don’t doubt his sincerity, but when he was visiting he mentioned that he would like to begin to sketch again. So for Father’s Day I got him a few sketch pencils and a sketch book for him to get started. I didn’t bother with a card, I’m a writer so I usually write my own sentiments in a blank card. This year to my dad I wrote, “One of the best things I inherited from my dad is my imagination. My dad taught me that if I could imagine something, then there was no reason it couldn’t be real. If I could imagine, I could create and make my world what I wanted it to be. I love my daddy.

Happy Father’s Day!

My dad and I have created a lot of things together and along with creating things, if we were building something, drawing or painting, or putting together a puzzle, nothing ever was completed without it’s own set of trials. Maybe our perspective was off and lines were not perfect, but with everything there was learning, and acceptance if things came out differently than we expected.

I have a verse that applies to adversity and how my dad shared it with me,
Romans 5: 3-4
We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope.

I’m glad I had a great role model to help me with life situations and how to deal with almost any adversity- have a little hope and patience, and when you have a lot of it, be sure to share it.
Wishing you love of your Earthly father and letting you know that Our Heavenly Father is crazy about you too and delights in what you delight in and has sorrow for what you have sorrow for and will always be near with patience and hope.

Love to you.

God's Will Week three

Last week I wrote about character and how others can perceive our lives just by viewing our actions and words. I have had a week full of challenges. If you have ever put God to the test to prove himself to you, nothing can prepare you. If there was a warning would any of us heed it anyway?

I feel like a colt that is being broken to be a trained, obedient, loyal, horse. I’ve been putting up a good fight and stubbornly not giving in to submission. As a result, I am facing the consequences. I feel like God is up there watching me and saying, “Will you just do right?” and I am down here, defiant.

I wish I could blame someone else for my stubbornness, but I can’t. I am my own enemy. I know the mistakes I am making are my own. I think out situations in my head, and since I am a writer, on paper, I am in control of the situation, but in life, I goof things up. I want to know the outcome ahead of time, I want to be ok with life situations, and the choices I make, but I fall short time and time again.

My friends like to laugh at my mistakes and I know they are just trying to make light of a situation, but there is a lot of truth in what they say. Their humor is watching me react to situations and when everything goes south they laugh it up. Some friends right? I have one of two choices; keep doing the wrong thing or do the right thing.

In life when we do the right thing- nothing happens.
When we do the wrong thing- everything happens.

If I don’t smoke, I have 100% of airway usage, and no asthma.
If I smoke, I struggle breathing. I have asthma attacks. I am sick for months.
The answer is easy- don’t smoke.

If your life is really discontent, whatever you are doing, you have to realize that in making wrong choices, there are consequences.

I told someone the other day, I am seeking redemption from God. He told me I’ll never get it. Well, if I have his attitude, I might not. I do hope for redemption. I am a sinner and still being punished for every sin there is on earth, all the way back to Eve- her sin causes me to have painful childbearing. When God puts forth punishment there is no escape.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Psalm 123:2
“We look to Jehovah our God for his mercy and kindness, just as a servant keeps his eyes upon his master… for the slightest signal”

I’m humble in this life God has given me to live, and I regret making choices that are not in God’s will for my life.

Seeking God’s will.

God's Will Week two

My past week has been full of highs and lows. I have been busy as ever and work has picked up.
I lost one of my dogs to a traffic accident.
The guy I was going out with, occasionally, got a job out of town and we packed up his house so he can sell it, and he moved.
My dad is here for a visit and that is the best right now. We are still grieving my brother.

I have a sense of peace about everything. I know nothing is in my control and what I can control, I can only do my best at it. My biggest emotion this week has been love. I have been loving everyone around me.


Proverbs 4: 23-27

23 Above all else, guard your heart,

for everything you do flows from it.

24 Keep your mouth free of perversity;

keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;

fix your gaze directly before you.

26 Give careful thought to the paths for your feet

and be steadfast in all your ways.

27 Do not turn to the right or the left;

keep your foot from evil.

When the tough times come it is easy for some bitterness to come into your heart, but I’ve been trying to focus on love and loving the people around me, not the situations we have been facing. I admit the instant I heard the dog died, my friend is moving, and missing my brother, I wanted to be angry, I wanted to say angry words, I wanted to scream and throw a fit, but a warm feeling came over me and stopped that emotion. Love replaced it and I projected it.

Internally we all go through emotional struggles, and what is in you will come out. The anger somehow was repressed and I let it go. I know it was God at work in me.

Love is a verb. I’m glad that I am being taught love and know love and can give it when someone needs it.

Guard your heart.

Give your love.

God loves you and so do I.

Blessings and peace to you from God, our father.

God's Will- Week One

At times we put a lot of effort in getting to know other people. We see someone and instantly know their story and share it with others around us.

"Jane there, has three kids and one is an honor student and the other two are toddlers. I dont know how she balances her life with her alcoholic husband!"
"Bobby, just surprised his wife with a new car. She is a lucky girl."
"I think Sam has a love child and his wife doesnt know."


How often do we look at ourselves?
What are others saying about us as we walk by?
Do they know us at all?
What do we want others to see and say about us?
I asked a friend to give me some characteristics about herself that she might share with someone interested in getting to know her. Her description of herself was this: kind, caring, giving, and a darn good friend!
She also mentioned her flaws, and said that some she was ashamed of and was trying to change those things.
Mostly those were the things she didn't want someone else to know.

I have always accepted her and loved her even knowing her flaws. I know that God loves us in the same way.

Here are 16 things about me, that are deeper than the obvious- single, mother of one, short, and unique; since I have approx. two real friends- everyone might not know these things about me... so here goes:


1. I believe in God. I know that I am more than just a human, and I am God's, at His service to do His will. I am not offended when someone says I dont get asked out because I have a lot of "Jesus" on my facebook page.

2. I accept reality. The good and the bad of life.

3. I like myself and others. I am as objective as I am subjective in my perception of people.

4. I am spontaneous. I am not hung up on what others think I should be. I do what is good and natural, simply because that is how I feel. My actions are not to try and hurt others but I have respect for what is good for me, if I’m angry, I will be angry, If I am joyful I will be joyful and genuine with my feelings towards myself and others. If I want to drink alcohol, I do, but not to hurt others or myself, I am aware if I am drinking too much.

5. I am genuinely concerned for others problems and if I am able to help, I do. I value others problem solving solutions also and seek counsel when I am troubled.

6. At times I have a need for privacy. I am a social person and enjoy the company of others but at times I have a need for solitude. I can have people close to me and their presence is sufficient without interaction. I am a great companion.

7. I am capable of doing things for myself and making decisions on my own. I believe in who and what I am. I try not to regret my choices.

8. I am always curious and interested in the world around me. I love to travel. I have appreciation for simple and fun things, like watching a sunrise or sunset, feeling the wind or heat of the sun, and delight in playing with children enjoying their innocence and curiosity and still able to be an adult.

9. I am sensitive to people around me. At times I have conversations with people about subjects I know nothing about, but they have a need to talk about them, and I give them perspective.
10. I have very few friends, but the ones I do have are long lasting and very meaningful. I love my friends.

11. I allow others to be themselves. I do not try to change people. I accept others for their strengths and weaknesses. I allow others to say whatever they want, without swaying my judgment or personal opinion. I am genuine with my perceptions and feelings.

12. I sometimes like to be able to see the whole picture about situations, and make the best of what is. Good and bad, but mostly I see good more than I see bad. For instance if a person I know has been in some trouble, the trouble isnt always the person. My brother manufactured illegal drugs, but it did not change that he was my brother or that he loved me, but I also did not have a blind eye to his actions.

13. I am witty and have a non-hostile sense of humor. I do not like making fun of others to make them feel bad. I don’t appreciate others who do.

14. I am highly creative, but not just in one area. I write, I paint, I design, I sew, I cook without a cookbook at times, I am a do-er instead of a planner when I decide what I want to do. I can usually accomplish my creative ventures.

15. I realize I’m not perfect. I know I have my personal flaws just like other people. If there is a way to improve something about myself I am open to doing it. Like being messy, I will eventually clean stuff up. So even at times when I am comfortable with myself, I am also aware of areas I can improve on.

16. I am not a follower of society or culture. For example if all my friends are getting liposuction, I do not feel the need to do it also. If everyone else has a $400,000 home, I do not have to have that to like myself or prove myself or worth to others. I am content with what I can afford and what makes my life fulfilling.

I am no different than my friend or anyone else, I have my own secrets. These things I repented of and gave up to God. With repentance I was able to let my past be my past and not something I could return to. I still have secrets, but thankfully, I only had to share them with God.

In the study of seeking God's will and what I have been in thought and prayer about this past week is

Who am I to God?
Colossians 3: 12-17

"12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Did I mention any of these characteristics when I listed things about myself?
Am I kind, compassionate, humble, gentle, patient, forgivign, loving? I might have said these things if I wasn't so detailed, but I detailed to show depth and that I didnt just choose characteristics from a list. 

My friend hit the nail on the head when she listed her own characteristics!
God's still working on me!
I hope God is at work in your life too!
To God be the Glory for the work He is accomplishing through those who know Him.


How much effort have we given to getting to know God?

May 17, 2011 God's Will intro.

I started this blog over a year ago when I was struggling with my divorce. 
Now I have a lot of questions about dating, how to go about it and how I am supposed to handle a future relationship.  And I have even asked myself, should I be in a relationship? 
I am seeking God for this answer.  I have tossed around the idea to live a solitary life and then I met a nice guy and I went on a few dates with him and I really enjoyed spending time with him, and I wondered if it is God's design for me- single or married? 

Buckhead Church Andy Stanley
Twisted part 4 Category of One

Either way to include God, or surrender to God for this decision is a big step of trust.  I know that giving up a lot of little relationships that may not last,  for something better that God has in plan for me is not really a sacrifice, but an investment in myself to prepare for my own future.  I want to honor God in allowing to make this decision for me. 

God is at work in my life.  Can I give God one year?  I really struggled with writing this blog for 365 days and if you follow it,  you know I didn't make it. I really struggle with commitment, I think partly because people I committed to in the past let me down, and I gave up too.  I know it's hard to look at my own character and see what others see, and look deeper to see what I may not let anyone else see.   

I'm in a different season in my life.  I suffered a lot of  personal loss in the past year -my marriage, the death of my older brother and some other losses, but I know these two are my biggest and if I dwell on all the loss it will tear me down.

Four weeks ago I started a sermon study "Discovering God's Will"  with Andy Stanley.  I am in a group of 12 and there is a single male and me, and the rest are couples.  I listen to the struggles they have being a couple and I think, do I want that again?  I do miss the relationship of having someone love me and the physical aspect of affection, and now I look at physical contact with the opposite sex as - fully clothed.  Huggs, kisses, etc. the same I would give a family member, but the intimatcy of a relationship- I want with the right person. I'm fragile with my heart.  I am still grieving. I don't think I can open up my heart to be a revolving door for the opposite sex to pass through.  So I am going to journal and share here from week to week what God exposes to me.  Can I commit to 52 weeks?  It sounds shorter than 365 days, but it is the same amount of time. 

So if you want, meet me here once a week  for the next year and I'll share what God is at work doing in my life or how I am able to do God's will in my relationships with other people.   I know God will be at work on the inside, but I also want an outward appearance of a person that honors God, by being intentional with my actions and friendships. 

I need to renew my mind and change my ways to start today, honoring God.
Things to examine in my life:
my words
my actions
my consistency
my dependability
my presence
my accountability
my consideration of others

From today My present will be my past which will be present in my future.  
(wait for it.... it will make sense if you say it over and over a few times.)

There are no do overs.  There is just doing with God. 

To start an intentional relationship with God, He first told me He is intentional to be a part of my life.
1 Thes. 5: 23-24
"Now may the God of Peace himself sanctify you completely and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He who calls you is faithful, he will surely do it." 


I dont want to settle, I want what's best for my life and I really want God's will for me.
To God be the glory for what He is going to do with this extraordinary life.  

Not the end

I know the followers of this blog realized I am non- commital and my 365 days of blogging my devotionals, that I started after my birthday last year, didn't exactly happen- well it didn't happen.  Honestly, everyday I am challenged and I fail so badly every test that is put before me- even this blog.  I am known to retreat for awhile.  My friends will sometimes check on my and let me know they are missing me and that is the greatest.  I am very fortunate to have the increasing number of friends that I have. 

The one constant since I live in the bible belt is, they question my relationship to God via my church attendance and where I am going and if I am contributing.  I am going to church, different churches, I am praying daily, sometimes hourly,sometimes I treat every christian song I hear as a prayer to God and sing it from my soul, sometimes constantly with every breath I take, I am in prayer. I am in complete realization that God is with me every second of every day. 

I wonder sometime if they are inquiring so they can put me on the prayer list-
Daily Panic is struggling with the Devil, pray for her. 

Hey, I'm not exclusive. As christians, we are always struggling with some "thing".  I think sometimes, when my friends call,  it's God's way to let them open up about something going on in their own lives.  I believe God puts the right people together at the right time.  To uplift and give strength to eachother during our "things."

In friendships we stand firm to this one simple act- "Put your arms around eachother."  Be it during joys or sorrows.  Nothing is felt and gives such reassurance as a hug does. 

A friendship kit- consists of these things-
Rubber bands- to hold friends close
Tissues- to dry a tear
Recipies - to make and share
Stationery- to write notes of encouragement
Band-aids- Reminders that friends help heal a hurting heart
Poems- to express your love
Prayers- to lead your friend to God

Thank you, God for the blessings of friends that draw me closer to you and reflect your love for me during this time of my life.   

"A friend loves you all the time" - Proverbs 17:17

One hundred seventy-four

Abundant.

What is one thing I have in my life that I can say I have enough for myself and to give others?

That is a tough question to answer, but if I look a little harder, I can easily answer it.

I am spending a lot of time alone and during that time I am self-aware. Last night I stayed home and was looking around for something productive to do. I have boxes of my life sitting around my apartment that need to be sorted through and organized.

We all have these boxes in our own lives, even if it is a sock drawer that has more mismatches than matches; there are cluttered areas of our lives. This task is one that I have put off for awhile, because I didn’t know if I was going to move back in with my husband and continue our marriage, but now I know with the divorce in process, moving back is not happening.

Box after box was filled with junk. It may have not been junk at the time it was collected, but some things were old. Some things were trash. All of it had to be tackled. I didn’t tackle all of it at once. My apartment would look like a tornado had went through it if I tackled it all at once.

I did all I could do. When I stopped I had one full trash bag that was bulging full.

Achievement !

That was one full bag of things I had in my life that I didn’t need anymore.

This past week I had dinner with a friend that has a barren apartment because their roommate suddenly moved and took everything. When the plates for us to eat on were pulled out, they were the last two in the apartment. I felt sad. I wouldn’t allow us to eat on the last two paper plates, although it would have been fine, but I have two sets of dishes in my apartment. So, I walked over and got one set and some silverware and gave it to my friend.

I had something in abundance and I could give it away to someone in need. There was more to it than just giving my stuff away, there was God. I think of God meeting our needs in the same way. God acts as soon as he sees our need, he doesn’t wait for us to ask, he just does.

I want to think of God as being that generous and immediate when we make him aware of our needs. We can include God in our everyday moments and put our lives to prayer. I am known to spontaneously pray when I see a need. I pray when I see an ambulance rushing to or from an emergency. I pray for the victim and their families.

I give thanks in prayer to God for all things great and small. I’m loosing a lot in my life right now- material things, emotional things, and things unseen that God wants me to get rid of that are unhealthy. I had a hard time with it in the beginning, but God is breaking me down. I know that my life is a box that he and I are cleaning out.

I want to be an extraordinary person for God. I’m going through this process. I am in that state of surrender where I ask God each day, if not once, but ten to twenty times, “What now God?” Each time I asked it, it was answered. From that one question I can see God’s presence, and be useful to God. Being useful means being available and submitting to God’s desire for us.

“Spiritual life comes from the spirit.” - John 3:6

This was the thought I woke up with this morning. My first thought this morning was not about what I would wear today, or eat, or do, my first thought was gratitude.

I was grateful to have God in my life and to guide me and walk with me through life as I continue to ask, “What now God?”

How is your spiritual life? Are you seeking God? I don’t just mean by going to church, I mean are you seeking God- are you looking around to see Him? Do you notice God in the the brilliance of the blue sky? Do you notice God in the air you breathe?

Do you internally feel God in your life?

I do. I feel God. I feel God when I sing. I feel God when I read. I feel God when I go about my everyday tasks. I feel God right now as I am writing this. Many times we can hear someone wishing us well by saying, “God be with you.” I internalize that. I want God with me in my soul. I want to be with the Spirit of God.

If you don’t feel the Spirit of God in your life, stop now and pray that you want God in your life and you have to be willing to go through the same process of throwing out things in your life that have kept God from having room to be there.

God is love.

Love is the one thing I have an abundance of and I have enough love to give away to every person I meet.

Loving you through God our Father.

Amen.