God Leads

 

I am drawn to the wedding magazines at the book store.  I think of weddings often, and one of my favorite things is to read the engagements of the couples.  I am a romantic at heart.  I adore weddings and bride photos.  I contemplate if the early days of a couples life will be their best, before life and responsibilities enlarge their lives to expand beyond themselves.  Marriage is a mystery to me.  I have been married twice, but neither of them lasted forever.  I wanted the lifelong partner, and I had thought that if a man asked a woman to marry him that lifelong was his intention too.   

Marriage was not good to be and being single has been the best times of my life.  As I get older I like being single more and more, but occasionally I get sentimental about marriage. 

Over the past few months, I had gradually been spending more and more time with someone and did not notice love was happening as I began sizing him up.  I felt his hands when he took things from mine.  I stood close enough to him to smell his cologne.  His appearance, often at the end of the day was dirty and sweaty.  Nothing about him was exceptional – well almost nothing.  Our conversations were in the presence of others and I began noticing that his eyes would capture something something inside of me and everyone else would disappear.  Discussing normal day to day things  would guide us to be alone, and that is when it occurred to me that we were reacting towards each other like magnets drawn closer and closer, and it became uncomfortable. 

I had lunch with a friend yesterday that ended a year romance with someone he envisioned marrying.  The woman decided on the break –up because she said when she saw him it didn’t feel like Christmas.  I have never had love described as a holiday, and I would not have selected Christmas, but that is me. 

I encouraged my friend to ask someone out this week and in his fragile condition he said he would rather be alone than feel the pain of the break-up ever again. 

I remember all too well that end of the world, soul crushing, complete shatter of my heart,  feeling he was having.  Contemplating marriage, muddling my practical brain had to be diminished. 

I thought of the life I have lived and to speak of it out loud sounds ridiculous.  A third marriage is out of the question especially with my infatuation;  a person who has not had the trials of life that I have had, and should have the chance to have his life differently without always explaining mine.   With closer examination of the attraction, I predicted this romance would have the same conclusion as other romances of my past.  I do not want to have the heartache again either.  Perhaps I could be wrong about my non-existent third marriage, but in this matter, I give the choice solely to God. 

If it is God’s will, he will make my groom shine above all doubt and diminish all of my insecurities of my past. 

As for love, my only focus on a lasting love is the love I have with God. 

I am grateful and thankful for all the love in my life and I am open to receiving. 

“Lord, show your love to us as we put our hope in you.”

-Psalm 33:22

You and Me Collide

I was reading this story “the Dating Coach” written by Brandon Stanton who has a wildly popular website Humans of New York (HONY)  It is a great story.  Brandon is someone I read often.  Check HONY out.  

 This is my favorite part of the article: 

“You know why I find you interesting?” I asked.
“Why’s that?”
“Because you take charge of chaos.” I paused to form my thoughts, then continued: “This city is so random and chaotic. There are so many people, and so many opportunities. But most people just hope that chaos will spin their way. They hope that they will be in the right place, at the right time, and will meet the right person. They hope that if they keep with their routine, they will somehow collide with something good. But you force these collisions. You collide with everything around you. “
“Wait,” said John. “Say that last thing again.”
“You force collisions. You collide with everything around you.”
“I love how you said that. You are really intelligent.” John seemed very sincere. ”I mean seriously, you are like a philosopher. You are definitely somebody I would like to hang out with again.”

---

“I normally try to validate a person as soon as I can,” said John. “Everyone wants to be validated.”

Brandon didn’t leave NY to find his adventure, he does the same thing John does when he interviews people and takes their pictures; he collides with the people around him, where he lives.  

  

I want to collide with others the same way.  When I was more social I was charismatic and interacted often.  I was used to being the stranger in a room and the person to make others feel at ease and I always found people to be very interesting. Making friends was easy. My life now is more family and work centered. 

Today I examined my greetings with each human interaction and validated each person.  I recognized voices on the phone, called people by name before they introduced themselves and if I talked to a stranger, I wrote their name down immediately so I could say their name when I said goodbye before I hung up.   Validating others is a good practice.

Luci Swindoll’s first chapter in her book, “Doing Life Differently”  is titled, Capturing the Journey.  She told a story about meeting people in a tribe in Africa, and she was so interested in each person, that she did not see the flies, or the dirt, or feel the heat, she just saw the people.  I want to think she saw souls, souls she wanted to collide with. 

I have been wanting to travel to have adventures, but maybe, like the dating coach, Brandon, and Luci,  I am supposed to collide right where I am.  Notice the small things- sometimes small things in someone else’s life – well, they are really BIG. 

A small thing someone might notice about me today; I have pink paint in my hair.  Not a lot, but enough. How can a drop of paint in my hair be something BIG?  I am painting a portrait of my daughter.  Painting is my hobby.  I never paint portraits.  It is my first.  Maybe it will be something big.  Oh the possibilities!

Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

What Next?

There is a lingering question that battles with the obvious everyday life that I exist in, and that question is, "what next?"  This is not about the after Earth human existence, this is about the today happens, then what next?  As in tomorrow...
I am increasingly loosing my memory.  I have always blocked out time on purpose, a lot of things (in my opinion) that are not worth remembering, I effortlessly forget.  I do envy people who can remember the 6th grade and the events that happened wherein.  I do not remember such things. In a discussion about roller coasters, I rememberd the last one I rode was in Virginia and I couldn't remember the name of the park, was it Kings Island or Kings Dominion.  Remembering the park has never been very important to me, but I am noticing more and more  these days I am having less memory.  I keep a calendar to mark events and little things to pass the time.  I paint, I read, I create something. In my life there is a void I need to fill. I need to do some things worth rembering.  I gifted myself  Luci Swindoll's book, " Doing Life Differently."
" The key to living a rich and joyful life is to seek out adventure... you choose to do life differently" - Luci Swindoll

I don't have the resources that she had in her life, I only have the expectation of something great happening.


Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and buildt up in him, strengthened in faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.- Colossians 2: 6-7

Thankful and Grateful for all things - even the loss of things.  Amen.

Hello 2013

I have not wrote in this blog in over a year.  I fought feverously to be independent and thought I could be.  I had second job took up all my free time.  I can remember going months without having a single day I did not work.   I had some major life changes and I’ve been in a process of void.  I cannot fully explain what that entails, but it had a lot to do with taking some “me” time.  I have Asthma and that caused me to have a lot of health issues,  I call it God telling me to slow down, because while I was sick my life got really slow.  Home every night.  No second job. I couldn't afford rent. And if that was not enough, my car is constantly having engine trouble. My daughter had moved away to college and I learned to depend on my boyfriend, which was a struggle for me since the divorce. 

I didn’t write or visit this blog because even though I tried to remain positive on this blog while going through two very different periods of grief, my divorce and my brother’s suicide, it was hard for me to revisit that pain.  I was in a very fragile state.  I know I could write here, without reading  the beginning, but to see that date 2009 when I started this and knowing it’s four years later  from when I started the “Extraordinary year”  and never completed  my commitment to write a whole 365 days. My divorce was final Sept. 7 2010, but because of my ex-husband’s spite, (which I do not comprehend, because he got exactly what he wanted)  I still to this day have to deal with him.  Of course this has been a thorn in my side that I have begged and begged to have removed, but remains these three years later for a reason I cannot understand.  My divorce will not be final for me until I no longer have to be in contact with him.

If you have the opportunity to know me, you would know that I have moments of spontaneous prayer. I love it. Whenever the feeling hits me I pause and pray, sometimes to others amusement – out loud.  Most of these times, I have noticed the prayers have been complaints. “Lord, woe is me, blah, blah, blah, I give this over to you, in Jesus name, amen.”  Life is sometimes bigger than us and we have to experience whatever “it” is to get through "it" and I have no problem sharing "it" with God. 

I may have mentioned a few times about gratitude, but I don’t think I have mentioned it enough.  Gratitude takes a bit of insanity, because to say I’m grateful for the most difficult times, when said out loud , “I’m grateful I just  hit a 40 lb opossum with my car, and boy oh boy the front end of my car is unique now, ”(my car is low to the ground its like driving a go cart around)  or “I’m grateful that part that gave out on my car is $1,200.00 not including labor to install it,” well  it does sound a little crazy.  These are real things that happened to me in the last twenty days.  – If you did not catch it- these are also woe is me things.  

I spent the day with a friend of mine, and just before I left, she said, “it has been a joy and delight to spend the day with you.”  I love her, but we do not talk to each other like that. I said back, “what the …?” She said, “I’m trying to be more positive. How did I do?”  “Sincere,” I said,” if you meant it.”

It’s hard to have intentional gratitude;  it is a work in progress.  I have a new mantra, “I’m thankful and grateful.”     I say this at least 20 times a day.  I say it out loud, because I believe it is contagious.

Danielle Laporte said we are all energy and are able to change our surroundings with our words. 

“Emitting energy” can be such an abstract term to get a hold of, but if we imagine that our consciousness has a fragrance, if we visualize that our words, our gaze, our thoughts have a scent, then the concept starts to land. And then maybe we become more aware of what we’re emanating — or what’s left behind after we leave the room.

Her article, "The scent of consciousness,"  is  here.  It is worth the read.   

I am writing today because last week I came back to this blog and shared it with two of my friends who are separately dealing with different struggles I have experienced-  one, a separation from a child and the other a divorce.  I know I couldn’t tell either of them I know how they are feeling, without expressing that I had been where they are now.  I am thankful and grateful that I started this 365 day journey and  four years later, I am still not done with it, because more appropriately my walk with God is 365 days a year- every year not just one.   

I have a lot to heal under God’s care.  I know I  refer to my car trouble a lot, but this is how slow my life is, I crunched up the drivers side of my car a year ago, (a pole happened to be there when I pressed the gas petal instead of the brake) and seriously it has taken me a year to save up the $500.00 deductable.  I have had to learn so much in this SLOW  season of my life. 

I’m thankful and grateful that you stopped in to read this today, I hope you have the peace that comes from God knowing the reason things don’t happen fast is because they are not supposed to happen to us all at once!       

“Patience is better than strength.” Proverbs 16:32

Sophie

THREE WORD WEDNESDAY

Draft; noun: A preliminary version of a piece of writing; a plan, sketch or rough drawing; compulsory recruitment for military service; a current of cool air in a room or other confined space; verb: Prepare a preliminary version; pull or draw; adjective: Denoting beer or other drink that is kept in and served from a barrel or tank rather than from a bottle or can.


Locate; verb: Discover the exact place or position of; place within a particular context; establish oneself or one's business in a specified place.

Serenity; noun: The state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.


Is that you, or Sophie?

Sometimes I see you in my cat, Sophie- a boy cat. Sophie is a prankster. Yesterday he hid beneath the dining room table and as I walked by, Sophie jumped and knocked a glass of chocolate milk from my hands. The milk went everywhere and Sophie turned back to look at the empty glass spinning on the hardwood floor, only as if to snicker as he ran to escape my cursing that filled the room. A few minutes later, Sophie sat at my feet as I rinsed the glass in the kitchen sink. He sits not facing the cabinet or me, he sits watching the rest of the kitchen like a protector to make sure nothing comes up behind me, watching and waiting. Sophie started biting his nails. Unusual for a cat, but every evening, he will sit upright with his back propped on a pillow against the couch and bites and pulls at his front paw nails until satisfied. I’ve taken to biting my nails too. I didn’t used to. I do a lot of things I didn’t used to do, since you’ve been gone.

Occasionally, I feel you in the room with me. If I didn’t think you were re-incarnated as Sophie, I’d hope she could see you when I don’t. There isn’t a draft in the whole house. It is sealed up tight. I could not mistake the wind for your ghost passing through the room. I know when you are there. You are like Sophie, hiding in wait, one day you will show yourself and I will certainly be surprised and fling everything I am carrying through the air, and you will laugh. We will both think it is funny . I would love to hear your laughter again. Knowing you are near is my serenity. I miss you; I love you, brother.

God's will week Thirty-Three

One of the most evident things about growing up is that life is no longer an illusion. We realize that the people around us are not who we thought they were. We are faced with the daily challenges that in our youth our parents tried so hard to keep hidden. Things really arent that different, we just see things we were told to look away from before. 

My brother is in my thoughts a lot lately as the first anniversary of his death approaches. My sadness still comes and goes. Not a day goes by without me thinking of him. Its hard not to be able to call him when I want to talk to him. Through this time of my broken heart, I have examined love. I look at wedding photos. I read love stories. I have wondered if I had ever loved? I went to a funeral of a friend’s father, and I felt the overwhelming sadness of losing a loved one. I would have obsessed over this feeling but something else distracted me. In the line-up of pall bearers there was a man I loved when he was a boy and I almost married him. I have had a series of loves and losses since then. I realized that love isn’t something that can be contained. Love is a choice that we all make. Sometimes love is one of the hardest choices to make, but it can’t be forced. And when love isn’t there it can’t be ignored.

The last time someone told me they loved me, I wanted to scream in defiance, “How do you know? Everyone else who told me that before you, lied??”
But I fought my impulses and kept silent. In fear of me not hearing him, he repeated it, and that’s when I knew I should not have ever questioned it. It was true and genuine and he would fight for it with me.
Losing love can harden our hearts. I don’t want that to happen to me. Love is a choice I make every day.

Hebrews 5: 8
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered.

I have a mantra this year, “God is good and all he does is Good.” Last year changed me, and as I go into this new year, I am different, I'm a litttle more grown, and still growing. 
Good that can also come from loss.

God's Will Week Thirty-two

What do I have to say about my absence last week?
I was in prayer and in God’s care.

No, nothing bad happened. I had a good week. I tried not to let the memories of last year ruin the memories I made this year. I made it through with a lot of prayer. I had some lows but a whole lot more highs to balance things out.

The book of Exodus in the Bible talks about forgetting the pain and failures of the past and strain toward what is ahead, Life with Christ. I am taking a blind leap of faith and putting my future in God’s hands.
I am a worrier. I worry. I have a book that is 1001 things of whatever… I forget. But one of the 1001 things was to live each day like a new beginning and the last day on Earth.

With that thought I will share this verse:
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
A song by Ryan Adams is in my heart, "Do I Wait" here is a link.
It is sentimental of someone in your life that used to be fully in your life.  I miss my brother, Jason. 
I hope he is the first person I see when I get to heaven. 

God's Will Week Thirty- one

  This is what I got for Christmas last year. 

I spent Christmas day with my dad and my brother.  They had not seen each other in over six years.  I was blessed last year to spend the day with the three people I love the most in the world, My dad, my brother, and my daughter (who took the picture)  I was so blessed, with this priceless gift.  If you read this blog, you know I lost my brother in Febuary; this Chistmas he will still be with us, forever joined in love.   

This year I have been blessed with so much. Yes, memories of having my brother home last year make me a little sad, but I get overwhelmed with how much love I still feel when I have those memories.  Christmas day this year will include a handful more of people.  Instead of a feeling of void, I am looking forward to sharing  the day with even more people I love, and in return they love me back. 

Its great to hear the words, "WE are going to get through this." 

Last week I had the trial of having my car not crank. The engine would spin but not crank.  The car is 8 yrs old and has been well taken care of and only had 54,000 miles on it.  I thought it was the starter going bad.  Not risking the car not cranking at home I drove it to the dealership as soon as it started after four tries.  Mid-morning I got a call from the service department and I heard, "You need a new engine."  After I hung up the phone I wanted to lay in the floor for awhile and contemplate my life while I figured out where the money for this engine would come from. I am already working two jobs and my budget is streached beyond what I make.  I was overwhelmed. 

Laying comatose in the floor is what I wanted to do.  What I did was, lock myself in the bathroom at work and got on my knees and prayed.  I must have been in there for 30 min in constant prayer turning it over to God.  I didnt come out until I heard over the PA that I had a call.  It was the dealership again, bracing myself for more bad news, I answered.  The voice on the other end of the phone said, "Mazda is going to replace the engine. You will need to pay for the new spark plugs." 

You can imagine the elation I had!  I said, "Thank you God!" immediately and returned to my knees once again. 

Not only did God provide for a new engine, he also provided me with a carpool to and from work- for both jobs since I am without a car until the first of the year.  When I get the car back it will be like having a new car. 

God does meet our needs.  In this time of gift giving, someone asked me, "What do you want for Christmas?"  This year I do not want for anything.  I have a very blessed life and I know that all of it came from God.  Even in the difficult situations, God is ever present and I am ever present with Him. 

Psalm 119:147
Early in the morning, before the sun is up, I am praying and pointing out how much I trust in you.

I will celebrate the birth of Jesus.  Birthdays are kind of a big deal.  Me and my BFF celebrate our B'days all month long in the month of August.  I celebrate Jesus' birthday with the ones I love through Advent.  I give  my child advent gifts to open; one everyday to remind her of the gift God gave to all of us, JESUS. 
I made three advent package gifts this year, I gave one to my daughter, one to my boyfriend's daughter to share with her sisters, and one to a sweet child of a co-worker.  I know what an impact these can make in a life and children share with their friends. These Advent gifts work as a ministry, sometimes its not about how many people you reach, its about reaching the right lives, the lives who Jesus is seeking and those seeking him.

Santa is cute in his red and white, as a symbol of the season, but what I believe in is not Santa; I believe in Jesus and that he was born. I'm posting this four days before Christmas.  I have been celebrating Jesus' birth for the past 21 days and counting... Merry Christmas to you and yours.   

God's Will week Thirty

“Let your Haters be Motivators!” I read this quote this morning. I like it. Sometimes confrontations with others can get the best of us. Then all that is left is the worst of us and that “worst” isn’t pretty. I have a co-worker who has little patience for calls from the public. She gets very irritated when people hem and hum and umhhhaam before they get to what they wanted to say. She said it wastes her time. I understand, I take these same calls. I realized that a lot of these people are lonely and can keep someone on the phone for an extended period of time to talk to someone. I have sense of developing relationships with customers, sure I may only see them a short 2-5 minutes, but within that time I have small conversations. I’ve noticed that a lot of people purchase things from us that are solitary activities. There is not a day that goes by that someone gets excited when I ask what they are making. I enjoy seeing pictures of what people make and I am able to appreciate the work that goes into making anything.

I notice that some of my customers are hoarders. They will admit it. They buy things that they will not use, but have to purchase just to have. I’m guilty of it myself. I sometimes get a glimpse into tiny places they don’t let anyone else see. These tiny places are happy places.

How can this bring out the worst in me? I lose my patience. A full day of questions, can really wear someone down. I noticed on the weekly report, I had over 600 people come through my register. Sometimes I lose patience with the volume of items that people purchase. 100 sheets of paper that are sold individually and are all different can take a little time to ring up. Or several hundred Christmas ornaments can make me a little impatient. My attitude can drastically affect the people around me.

The other day I lost my patience. I was short with someone. I had a bad attitude. I said some things I shouldn’t have said. I told someone I couldn’t do what they asked me to do. I lost control. I had to repeat myself over and over. I’m sure I would have been punished if my boss had seen me. It was probably posted all over the social networks what a bad cashier I am, within minutes of the confrontation. “Good manners is measured in how we are able to deal with others who don’t have any manners.” I admit I was a horrible example of anything resembling good manners.
In my position I am to see this in others and intervene. No one intervened in my situation. I was in the wrong. There is a feeling of guilt that I can’t seem to shake. Its knowing that I can’t right the wrong. I don’t get a do over.

Today’s verse:
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”
Colossians 3:23

Remember that Christ is ever present.

I am thankful for God’s mercy and grace, especially the times when I am someone who gives little grace or mercy to others and am not deserving. I don’t like being the person, others hate.

God's Will Week Twenty- Nine

frightened sad happy surprised angry

anxious jealous joyful annoyed excited

tired proud confused worried scared

afraid bored grumpy nervous cheerful

lonely loving embarrassed guilty shy

silly curious

Above is 27 emotions.

Last week I had every one of these.

Which equaled one big

CRY.
Thanks Eve.

If you read this blog you noticed I was absent last week. I tried to get a grasp on something, anything to write the blog. I read my bible, I prayed. I had emotions, but I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be to write the blog. I always remind myself, what I write is about recognizing God’s will.

Last week God wanted to search my heart as I searched for Him.

There are times of solitude, but I also know these times are when God is close, ever present, taking care of what we are not able to handle in our moments of being human.
I never got a grasp on what to write last week.
This week I want you to check out the biblical reference to the “12 days of Christmas”

http://www.crivoice.org/cy12days.html

Keep Christ in Christmas.

God's Will - week Twenty- seven

Giving Thanks

If you have been following the past few months, I have been in the bible study of Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. Last week the class finished the study. The final chapter put forth examples of how God changed lives. It posed a question- How is your love for God going to be reflected in your own life and actions?

I have a co-worker who is an amazing Christian. She and I have shared how God is at work in her life.
A year ago she was in a very different place, she was without a job and had applied for school. Time passed and she was not accepted into the school, she got a job that only was few hours each week. She still held on to her faith. In the past two months, God put a man of God in her life to love her. She has fallen in love. The man encouraged her to bring her desires to God and to pray without ceasing over what she wanted God to help her with. She desired to go to school. Her boyfriend supported her decision. She had concerns about working and going to school, that would leave little time for their romance. He assured her, that he loved her, wasn’t going anywhere and would be with her to support her any way he could. So they prayed. Within a week, the admissions director found her application and called her, told her she was accepted and eligible for financial aid and would like to meet with her next week to do the paperwork. I love my co-worker and rejoiced with her when she shared with me. I can’t help but get excited about the Lord’s blessing on lives and how He can change everything.


In my own life I do not feel God calling me to do any one thing. I feel like right now we are getting to know each other and strengthening my faith and love in God. There isn’t a day that goes by that I do not thank God for at least one thing in my life. God is faithful. God’s timing is perfect.

Someone asked me the other day about my own romance. Other people feel disheartened when I don’t say, “I can’t live without my boyfriend;” the truth is he lived four hours away and I know I can live without him. I don’t know that I will ever feel that way about another human being.

I do feel that way about God. I feel that God is the one that won’t let me down. God proves his existence in my life daily. I can't live without God.

Even in the little things, I am reminded that God is merciful, loving, and ever present. In all things God deserves my love, my devotion, and my thanksgiving.

This week I give thanks to God, for everything.

Five verses to know God is God.
1. A child of God
Romans  8:16
 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

2. Forgiven
Colossians 1:13-14
Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son: in whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:

3. Saved by grace through faith
Ephesians 2:8
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

4. Casting all my cares on Jesus
1 Peter 5:7
 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

5. Filled with laughter and rejoicing
Job 8:21
 Till he fill thy mouth with laughing, and thy lips with rejoicing.


It is my prayer any of you reading this, that will be traveling, will have safe journeys and blessed precious time with your loved ones. If you are like me and working through the retail holiday, know that God will bless the time and give us all opportunity to be missionaries on that day to those who need to know the King we worship.

Blessings and love to you this Thanksgiving. To God be the glory, honor and praise for what is He is at work doing in our lives.

God's Will Week Twenty Six

Belive it!  I am half- way through this year. 

“‘Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.’ Thomas S. Monson

God's Will week Twenty-Five

The love fern. 

Almost died from the extreme heat in the car, (see the brown?)

from the nursery to home, but with care and attention

It lives!!

Thankfulness.
Through something terrible, great blessings can come. That is what hope is.

I know that I have shared with you that my brother’s death changed me. I appreciate the people in my life and I try not to take anyone for granted. I say, “I love you.” Every chance I get.

“I’m so glad you are reading this right now because it means you are still alive. I’m really glad.”

Someone said this one statement saved their life. Suicide prevention isn’t something I know how to do. I feel like I failed my brother, who died from suicide.  Friday, I had to share that he had passed with one of his friends. Usually I’m strong, but for some reason, it was harder to talk about. I’m still grieving. I’d love to have him here with me. I know he is with God. That one thought comforts me. Knowing he is with God, restores joy in my life.

We can be in the habit of holding on to the sadness and bitterness grief can bring, or we can dispel Satan to be gone, and not steal our joy, by changing our focus to the things of God.

In our “Crazy Love” Wednesday night study, last week we read stories of people who submitted to God. I would like to be submissive to God. It is my hope that I may be someone God can use. I am still in search of God’s will in my life. I am in constant prayer about God revealing a direction to me for my life.
I am humble to admit, that I fully rely on God. I don’t just take God’s hand, I cling to it, knowing he is leading me to where he wants me to be. There will be times we hesitate. There will be times we move fast, and times to move slow. I want to be a life transformed By God.

I hope you will continue on this journey, as I discover what God will do. I also would like to encourage you to seek God and question what he will do in your own life.

I will tell you that deciding to follow God will be the easiest part of the journey. The rest will be full of removing from your life what is not useful to God, and replacing it with everything that is useful.

This week’s verse is from my morning e-mail devotional: ( I'm sharing the whole devotional)

SERVING THE LORD WITH GLADNESS
by David Wilkerson
[May 19, 1931 - April 27, 2011]

God desires that we be so convinced of His tender love, so persuaded He is at
work bringing us into His best, that we will have continual joy and gladness in
our walk with Him! Moses warned Israel, “Because you did not serve the Lord
your God with joy and gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things,
therefore you shall serve your enemies, whom the Lord will send against you, in
hunger, in thirst, in nakedness, and in need of all things” (Deuteronomy
28:47-48).
God is saying to us today, “Be glad and rejoice in what I have already done
for you! If you go around moping, murmuring and complaining, you will forever
be spiritually starved and naked, a prey to your enemies!” God wants us to so
trust in His love for us that we will be testimonies of gladness and good cheer!
He wants preachers who are glad at heart, filled with a gladness that is based
on truth.


His truth produces a wealth of gladness that flows naturally outward from the
heart: “Serve the Lord with gladness; come before His presence with
singing” (Psalm 100:2). “He brought out His people with joy, His chosen
ones with gladness” (Psalm 105:43). “Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you
righteous; and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!” (Psalm 32:11).
“Let the righteous be glad; let them rejoice before God; yes, let them
rejoice exceedingly” (Psalm 68:3).


You may ask, “How long can I expect to maintain joy in my service to the
Lord?” Many believe that it lasts only as long as seasons of refreshing come
from on high or as long as things go right. No, we are to have joy at all
times! That is exactly what the Bible says: “Oh, satisfy us early with Your
mercy, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days!” (Psalm 90:14). “But
be glad and rejoice forever in what I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem as
a rejoicing, and her people a joy” (Isaiah 65:18). We are “the Jerusalem
from above”—reborn and living for Him with a spirit of gladness and
rejoicing! Trust the Father, believe His Word about Himself, and see His
gladness pour forth from your life.


I am so glad my faith, hope, and joy is of God. 

God's Will Week twenty-four

Don't we like to change things to suit ourselves?

Ever have one of those weeks where stress is high and for every accomplishment you feel you had, something happened and destroyed it?


For me, it has been one of those weeks. My finances stress me out. My outcome is more than my income, and the unexpected things come up and just when I had a dollar, I couldn’t keep it because I had to spend ten more dollars to cover the unexpected thing.

For instance, sickness. Unavoidable. Doctor visit. Pharmacy. Day of no pay.

I had several other personal things come up, that are not in the budget. I stress.

I forget to thank God for the things I do have. I forget to thank God for meeting my needs. Finances are tight, and getting tighter. I forget to rejoice in these things, because I am learning to manage my money better.

I am well. Thank you, God for my health.

I have a home. Thank you God, for my home.

I struggle with saying thank you in all things, to God.
Everyday challenges are renewing my faith that God is in control of all of this.

Thanks to God, I have a lot of other activities that are in ministry, like mentoring a friend going through divorce, being a friend and listening to problems, and rejoicing with my friends in new relationships, sharing the grief of losing a loved one,  and being able to speak on all of these with the word of God directing my thoughts and my words. I feel like my prayer time is stronger, and my focus is not so much on my life, but how I can be used by God in a day.
More and more I am in prayer.

This month known for the holiday of Thanksgiving.  I would like to encourage you to give thanks to God daily for at least one thing, even if it is breathing and blinking. I know such a simple thing, but sometimes it is the little things we take for granted.

Colossians 2: 6-7
Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

God's Will week Twenty-three

If every day started off this perfect...

life would be boring!

Psalm 131:2-3
I am quiet now before the Lord, just as a child who is weaned from the breast. Yes, my begging has been stilled. O Israel, you too should quietly trust in the Lord- Now and always.

A few weeks ago I presented the question, "What are you trusting God for today?"
As humans we are subject to take things in our own hands and control the results in our favor. I can tell you over and over again how I handled situations and to my own demise, I made things worse as a result of my actions. The hardest thing for us to do sometimes is to do NOTHING.

Part of being submissive to God’s will is to let Him handle things. Impatient beings that we are, we don’t see the results soon enough and the urge to do something is much stronger than the illogic of waiting on the Lord.

I am a stubborn soul. I am still learning to be patient in the Lord. Spontaneous prayer is my only recourse sometimes to distract my thoughts from being actions.

I truly believe that when your heart is with God, you have a true heart for the needs of others.

This week I have had a full prayer list.

I have on my prayer list my friends, their children, my niece expecting a baby boy, and their young family.

I am in prayer for the loss of a local young soldier killed in Afghanistan, and peace to be with the family during this time of grief.

I pray for new relationships between my friends, not only romantic, but also friendships; that they may grow.

I pray about healing for those who are ill, and the people I know that are facing fatal illnesses.

I pray about everyday trials we are all facing and I lift all these up to God. It is all out of my control, but I lay these things at the feet of the Lord and know he will handle these situations.

I would like to encourage you to realize that this life is not a time for us to be selfish, but to love others the
best we can, with that love coming from God, and let our actions be Godly.


Letting God be God. Peace, hope, thanksgiving and joy to you.

God's Will Week Twenty- two

Change can effect everyone. We are not struggling alone.

Face changes with God.

I waited to post this until after my Wednesday night bible study group saw the movie “Courageous”
This movie was about how commitments to God can make changes in lives. Our group was touched in one way or another and of the few group members I was able to talk to about the movie, they shared how they saw their lives reflected in one of the story lines. What was remarkable, was even though the plot centered around five men, it was women who saw remarkable things about themselves.

Before I saw the movie, I knew it had a message, and I wanted to really pay attention to how it would relate to me personally. My girlfriends and I seek to have a Godly man in our lives, and we agreed that we would watch with preconceived notions to see characteristics we should look for in a man.

To be honest, I am a single woman, I have a daughter. There is not a man to be the spiritual leader in our home. I take on that role. I do encourage her father to be her father. My mind is fluttering to try to put my thoughts in order, but the impact the movie made on me was a sense of peace that I am a child of God’s and I have the opportunity to not waste a day or time that he has given me on Earth, to make a difference. If that means being different, or making changes, then that’s what it will take and I will have to surrender to it.

The holidays are nearing, and I have thoughts of the approaching time. It is the holidays that are the hardest when you realize that someone important to you is missing. In our Singles Wednesday night group, it is true for each of us. For some, it is divorce, or distance, for others, it is because of a death.

I will miss not having my brother to share the holidays with me, but I can look back at last year and say, Thank you, God. I was given a day, a week. I had a chance to say, “I love you” and my brother said it to me over, and over again. With that peace from God, I will be sad, but I won’t have regret. I will feel love and carry it with me.

For a long time I held on to those words- “IF ONLY…”
‘If only’ I had picked up the phone and called my brother…

I’ve changed my thinking and the order of those two words to “ONLY IF…” and fill in the rest of the sentence. Only if I call him and he hears my voice, will he know I was thinking about him. I want to be more active than passive. Sometimes actions take courage. I wish I knew who said this quote, but “Don’t question what you believe, question what you doubt.”

In my own life I doubt I will remarry. I am seeking answers within God’s will.

I believe in God and marriage, and until I meet the man who has the same belief, we won’t be evenly yoked.

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

I’m going to keep on track evaluating God’s will vs. my will on my daily journey. I hope I can encourage you to do the same, and each of us finish saying, we were all ‘Courageous,' in God’s will.

God's Will week Twenty-One

Who is in control of turning these dials?

My question for the week was, “What are you trusting God with today?”
A better question is – What do you have faith in God today?
Finances are one area that is evident in everyone’s life. I know we all can relate to financial trust.

The Six Human Needs Link
Tony Robbins has identified six basic human needs and believes everyone is—or can be—motivated by their desire to fulfill these needs.
You may want to consider these needs when thinking about developing and delivering products and services to people. The question to ask is, "What need or needs does my product fulfill for my customer?"

1. Certainty/Comfort. We all want comfort. And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value.

2. Variety. At the same time we want certainty, we also crave variety. Paradoxically, there needs to be enough UNcertainty to provide spice and adventure in our lives.

3. Significance. Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance. I can imagine no worse a death than to think my life didn't matter.

4. Connection/Love. It would be hard to argue against the need for love. We want to feel part of a community. We want to be cared for and cared about.

5. Growth. There could be some people who say they don't want to grow, but I think they're simply fearful of doing so—or perhaps NOT doing so. To become better, to improve our skills, to stretch and excel may be more evident in some than others, but it's there.

6. Contribution. The desire to contribute something of value—to help others, to make the world a better place than we found it is in all of us.

Action Point
Evaluate this list to better understand your personal motivations and examine which ones seem the most significant to you. Then, look at what you do to fulfill the needs of others. It will likely make a difference in what and how you do what you do. It also should make a difference in the way you describe and explain what you and your product can do.

In these six areas where is God in your life?
Hebrews 11:6
Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Do we look to God for the six human needs above?
If we are not looking to God, then we are self-seeking and worldly seeking .
1 John 2:28
And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming.

I am continually thinking of God's question-  Where is your faith?  Is it with me?

God's Will week Twenty

I know that as a parent I have the HUGE responsibility of shaping a life. Sometimes I question if my daughter looks at me with the same wonder I have when I look at her. To make God a visible part of our lives, each month I create a poster and hang it where it can be seen. On one occasion I had made a poster with quotes from the bible study sermon series. It hung in our home before we hosted a youth night sleep over. I was not present, but the poster made an impact on the group leader. A poster of the very subject they were discussing was on our wall and she and the other girls were aware that in our house, God is relevant.

I saw a saying, “Be different. Act Normal.” On this month’s poster I put those words but with an arrow to the side of “be different”- I wrote CHRISTIAN. And before, “Act normal,” I wrote in God’s Love.
Be different- Christian.
In God’s Love, Act Normal.

In this week’s Crazy Love by Francis Chan chapter 5
1 corr. 13: 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I shared with my daughter that we are to know God is love and we can put “God” in the verses and recite it this way:
God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Then I asked her could she say she has God in her life, and in the blanks where “God” is, can she put her name. L is patient. L is kind. … etc. Immediately she said no, she is not patient, at times she is not kind,… etc.
She said she doesn’t hear the voice of God, like when people say, “God called me to missions.” Or, “God told me to go to build a church.” I told her that there will be times in her life she will know God is leading her. I told her on a daily basis to be aware of the small things God will direct her to do, even if it is something small like saying, “hello,” to someone.

I challenged her to give one day to God. A whole day. A day of silently saying a prayer when she gets up, “I got out of bed today, for God.” And through her day; “I went to school today, for God. I ate today, for God.” And I told her as she acknowledges God in her day, she will begin to feel the presence of God, just by inviting him to be there.

God may never be a loud voice we can hear, but God filled day can be life changing.

 Try it in your own life.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

May your life be Changed by God. 

God's Will week Nineteen

My head hurts today. Thinking. About. Nothing. Ever have those days when everything looks a shade of gray and you wonder why you are starved for color? Well, in my life everything is a shade of gray. Literally. I walked outside and there is nothing but gray.

This is where I work. – I do have an office and its boring too, but I did bling a few things.

 

 

Today I searched for some inspiration to write about. I have a lot of things on my mind. I keep a notebook and in it there were some daily question to ask myself when considering my relationship with God. I read my bible and I am doing the Crazy Love –by Francis Chan book study. Chan puts it on our hearts to really examine our own Christianity. Are we lukewarm? Are we “in love?” Are we …? so on and so forth…

Tough questions.

“I am praying...your body is as healthy as...your soul." 3 John 2 TLB

We all know how important physical health is; here's a plan for keeping your soul in shape:

(1) Don't question your faith, question your doubts. We spend too much time dwelling on our misgivings, experiencing faith as an occasional flash-in-the-pan. God's promises are for 'believers.'

(2) Don't be a 'lone ranger.' It's no accident that the Old Testament contains the story of God's people, and that the Epistles were written to congregations. We grow as we relate - not isolate!

(3) Guard your thought life. If your "thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death. But if [it's] controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace" (Ro 8:6 NCV). Practice mind management!

(4) Fall asleep and wake up immersed in gratitude. It'll transform your day. "In every thing give thanks!" (1Th 5:18).

(5) Ditch anything that distracts you from God. Toss the junk reading material, and if you've got the guts, throw in the TV!

(6) Always err on the side of mercy. Philip Yancey writes: "I marvel at the humility of a God who descends to live inside...his 'flawed' creatures...Do I show that same attitude towards people of whom I disapprove?"

(7) Be specific and don't revert to generalities when discussing your faith. Paul wasn't "ashamed of the Gospel" (Ro 1:16); neither should you be.

(8) Be gracious to the people who irk you. God chose them too! Sometimes it's easier to be gracious to non-believers than to uptight, moralistic Christians. But that just makes you a different kind of judgmental.

(9 ) Forgive those who've hurt you. Harboring hatred hinders healing, so bring your hurts to God.

(10) Submit to the Lord. Wait on the Lord. Watch for the Lord. Join the Lord.

Be watchful and aware of the shades of Gray in your own life and don't let it be evident in your spiritual life. 

Let gray be a color not a characteristic of virtue. 

God's Will Week Eighteen

What if I’m Goo and never make it to Good?

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-21

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but atest everything; hold fast what is good.

CRAZY Love – Francis Chan Chapter 5

Conditional love. We practice it all the time. I love you if…

I have a new kitten. She is a wild thing. She attacks us. Everyone who enters the house is malled on a daily basis. We look like we have been thrown in a briar patch and barely got out. After we survive her attacks we hug her and try to teach her love. The kitten squirms, growls, hisses and swats at us with claws extended until she gets them inserted deep enough to cause us to screech in pain and release her. Usually we toss her away, just to equally shock her. Do we stop loving her? No, we think she is cute. (vicious, but cute)

I told my daughter I loved her the same way when she was a child. When she was bad, that’s when I held her the closest to me. She would scream at the top of her lungs, kicking and screaming, grabbing hold of anything she thought would anchor her to the inside of the grocery store, while I was trying franticly to escape the eyes of fellow shoppers, while I dealt with my child’s temper tantrum. I couldn’t just walk away. I held her. I would hold her as tight as I could until she settled down. I always told her I loved her as much as she hated to hear it and she didn’t believe it because I had told her she couldn’t have candy in the store. I had a strong willed child. Did I stop loving her? No, I didn’t.

Love isn’t always easy. Love does have conditions. We always want to measure love. Even God gave us a measure of love:

John 3:16

New International Version (NIV)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

As Christians we are to-

Deuteronomy 10:12

[ Fear the LORD ] And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

Matthew 22:37-38

New International Version (NIV)

37 Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment.

God does first love us unconditionally. As I read this Crazy Love chapter, I realized I don’t know that much about love or how to love God. I have read a lot of work by Thomas Merton, who was a twentieth-century Catholic monk, writer, and scholar of comparative religion. Through his writing I understood how deeply someone could love God with their whole being.

I realize that when I love God, I look a lot like goo, instead of good.

I want to be good in God’s eyes. Thank You, God for still working in me.